Local News

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A morbidly hungover local man named Merrick Barnes has this week stared into his own soul, after ordering himself a pizza. The strange occurrence came after he had a meat lovers pizza delivered to his 2 bedroom flat in Betoota's French Quarter. Opening up the cardboard box with 5,000 kilojoules worth of dough, meat and sauce, Merrick said...

CLYDE ROYAL |Western News| Contact In a recent survey conducted by a group of Betoota Polytechnic Comms students, it's been uncovered that blokes in a drinking environment often use greetings to symbolise hidden messages.Members of the survey were asked to rank different greetings depending on how happy they were to see the greeted party. Survey options and outcome below.Look what the cat...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman who has a track record of having unfortunate taste in men has this week finally cracked it, after her mate thought it’d be funny to yet again remind her about that one guy she was desperately in love with a couple of years ago - a guy that Chelsea Young tries desperately to forget she...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact Data released from the Australian Bureau of Statistics has this week revealed that Melbourne has officially surpassed Sydney in becoming the nations’ most populated city, which will be the first in over 100 years that harbour city has lost its crown to its emo sibling. Though many have cited Melbourne’s ‘air of diversity’ as the leading cause of its...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA Betoota man’s path hath been chosen for him as new teacher Timothy Flatcox will be forced to be a cruel bastard for his entire career. Wanting a challenge that would come with frequent breaks, Flatcox decided to pursue teaching and recently picked up a few contracts as a substitute as male teachers are still a fun novelty for...

CLYDE ROYAL |Western News| Contact You shouldn't need extra motivation to go to your local dawn service, but a local mum found some anyway.  Amanda Brinkworth, a 39 year old mother of 3 boys told her best friend Jane on Friday that she's looking forward to the Dawn service for a very specific reason.  "I'll be waking up the boys early to get them...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactThe nation’s bachelorettes has this week been armed with some tips to help them navigate the difficult dating scene, which will help them identify a fuckboy before he even opens his mouth, it’s reported. Using data compiled from dating apps, SWARM (The Scored Women’s Alliance Against Romantic Malpractice) has revealed a series of wardrobe items that every fuckboy has...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactDespite earning multiple awards throughout the course of his degree, recent civil engineering graduate Cal Tippet has found himself completely unprepared for his first day on a construction site - though unfortunately, no amount of studying could have helped him. It’s reported that the 21 year old had rocked up the site feeling quite chipper and confident, but was...

CLYDE ROYAL |Western News| Contact A Perth local has today surprised himself by taking another bold step towards “freedom from the system” Jameson Cliff, a self proclaimed “outsider” from Wanneroo, broke what he saw as cultural norms when he sent an email to his real estate agent and signed off said email with “Sayonara.” “I really feel like we need more creativity in our...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA local waitress learnt the true meaning of regret today after asking a table of Americans if everything is OK with their meal.  Due to having an ideal tropical climate, Betoota welcomes dozens of international tourists each year who flock to see attractions such as Muggles Hop Farm, the Brick Museum and Sydney Harbour (note, not all attractions listed...