Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact According to a recent study by South Betoota Polytechnic College, Chinese tourism to Australia has reportedly decreased due to fears of submarine attacks. The study suggests that Chinese tourists believe Australia has purchased submarines for the purpose of killing Chinese military personnel should get start a war in 40 years' time. Despite the Australian government's...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactThough she loves nothing more than receiving a few juicy voice notes from her friends, Kat Chen can only allocate so much of her attention to hearing a stream of consciousness - especially if the first thirty seconds aren’t delivering a punch. For those who are unaware of the correct formula for gossip, it should be preceded with...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA bloke who’d originally intended to just get a free pass at his coworker, has unfortunately found out the hard way that his romantic prospects pale in comparison to his girlfriend. Paul Gabbot tells The Advocate that he’d gotten a bit bored with his relationship but admits he’d never actually tried to do anything to spice it up...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIf there’s yet another thing the cost of living crisis has taken from young people, it’s the ability to shave the carrot without worrying about your roommates hearing you - and at age 29, Betoota Heights bloke Keith Hammond unfortunately perform solo activities without conducting a few checks beforehand. You see, unless Keith wants to give up the perks...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A farmer in the district has spent the past few days on Hamilton Island where he's been harassed non-stop by "the fucking cockatoos". So much so, Betoota grazier Dale Clarke has asked the "blokes working at the hotel" if they've ever tried "shooting the fucking things" or controlling them in other ways. He spoke briefly to...

CLYDE ROYAL |Western News| ContactOut on the street this week The Advocate asked some of our local constituents for their thoughts on women in motor vehicles.  We asked one simple question “Women drivers, good or bad?” and then just let the crazy leak out.  Jeremy seemed to think that female drivers were to be avoided, we then asked Jeremy about his driving...

DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACTYou fucked up didn’t you? You ignored your better judgement and let your dropkick mate talk you into lending them a ton of money. You empathetic, stupid idiot. In what world did you think you’d ever get that money back? If the banks won’t lend your dropkick mate money – even though they’d make a...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA group of Betoota men without much in common apart from their Y chromosomes and track record of procreation have bonded over another shared interest today. Knowing that an isolated emotionally repressed regional Australian man is a bad thing, in 2018 a group of Betoota Heights dads decided to be emotionally repressed regional Australian men together. Initially bonding over the...

CLYDE ROYAL |Western News| ContactA strong link has seemingly been found between married women enquiring about wanting “company” and the house she lives in having a well manicured yard.  “8 out of 10 times when I arrive at a married woman’s house, if the lawn has those organised MCG stripes cut into it then I’m going to get some real energy”, revealed...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTLocal nana Edith Jestover (76) is giving her darling granddaughter Lily (29) some needed advice as obviously the young woman would suffer and starve if left alone. A hairstylist by trade, Lily Jestover is one of many Millennials who has had to move back in with family as $850 a week is way too much to pay for a...