A morbidly hungover local man named Merrick Barnes has this week stared into his own soul, after ordering himself a pizza.

The strange occurrence came after he had a meat lovers pizza delivered to his 2 bedroom flat in Betoota’s French Quarter.

Opening up the cardboard box with 5,000 kilojoules worth of dough, meat and sauce, Merrick said he looked directly inside his cranium.

“It felt like I was looking straight at my brain,” sighed Merrick, less than 24 hours after an unnecessary and unearned mid-week blow out.

“It was an outer body experience of sorts.”

“Except my brain has ants crawling all over it and someone is poking a sharp object into the top left corner of my frontal lobe.”

He then stared for an extended period of time at the lump of food, not saying anything.

“Fuck, I shouldn’t be doing this any more,” he exhaled, slowly pick up the first smooshed piece of pizza.

He then asked our reporter to leave him piece so he can self loathe in peace immediately after finishing his pizza.

More to come.


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