A Betoota man’s path hath been chosen for him as new teacher Timothy Flatcox will be forced to be a cruel bastard for his entire career.

Wanting a challenge that would come with frequent breaks, Flatcox decided to pursue teaching and recently picked up a few contracts as a substitute as male teachers are still a fun novelty for most parents.

Unfortunately, Flatcox quickly learnt he was back in the playground in a literal and spiritual sense as school kids once again began ridiculing him for his phallic, but pretty hilarious, name. 

“I tried Mr F for a bit, but some of the year 9s kept saying ‘Mr F to pay respects’,” stated Flatcox aka Flatdick aka Crack-A-Flat aka Yung Flatty.

“I decided then and there I was going to have to commit fully to being hard Mr Flatcox whether the kids like it or not.”

In the months that followed, Flatcox began treating his students like prisoners of war, giving after school detentions out like they are bruises in a prison yard and belittling kids for the smallest of mistakes, even the smart ones.

“[Another student] had a note about how they couldn’t hand in their assignment because of their mum being in hospital,” explained one student who would never respect Mr Flatcox but would at least be intimidated by him.

“He wasn’t having it. Arvo detention for the whole class except for them.”

“He made us all write an essay on why we hate them for what they did. They had to read them in front of the class. He marked them.”

“Can you guys do something to help?”



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