Local News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A Betoota family has been given a reprieve of sorts leading up to the referendum as one of their madder uncles has given his usual conspiracies a break to focus on a clandestine and totally real Aboriginal land tax. Although usually the quiet type, uncle Phil Nedhurst (48) has been known to pipe up after a couple of coldies...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact Betoota’s famed French Quarter has just added another significant heritage building to its ranks today.The brand new, 22 storey apartment tower is a modern architectural marvel. In the sense that it is a product entirely of its budget-conscious times. Boasting featureless facades, ugly carpeting, flammable cladding and an internal lift that is in a constant state of disrepair, it...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA bayside town has revealed they don’t quite think too highly of themselves as not one of their takeaway places claims to have the state’s best fish and chips.An important trade port for Betoota, the coastal suburb of Port Aloo (SA) is perhaps best remembered for the Port Aloo Toilet Block Murders (1993 - 95) and the Port...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA thrifty idiot is being sanctioned today, for showing a considerable lack of respect for small business owners dying to make a buck.With only two camping trips under his belt, local Hornsby man Garth Armstrong is what many seasoned campers would refer to as a “Newbie”, and is today continuing to demonstrate the kind of behaviour...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Heights woman has found herself unable to suspend her disbelief watching the TV series C*A*U*G*H*T,  this week, stating that she finds it highly unbelievable that anyone would agree to be held hostage in exchange for fame. Deciding to do exactly what her boyfriend does whenever she watches a TV show, Darcey Malvern has opted to provide a...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA millennial Marketing Manager has today realised she’s officially ticked over into the ‘older colleague category’, after spending an entire day baffled by the constant barrage of slang words mentioned in a single office meeting. Jen Bowen, 32 had been well aware this time would come, but had idea just how comfortable Gen Z are using slang language in...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAn innocent quest to find a groceries list has unfortunately resulted in local bloke Taylor Hardern questioning everything he knows about his relationship, after discovering a rather dubious looking list on his girlfriend Kayla’s phone. It’s alleged this incident occurred last Sunday at the Betoota Heights Greengrocers, where the happy couple were seen laughing and joking as they collected...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTNo stranger to the pain of a needle and some ink, a local girl has today found herself dreading something even more painful than an hour of a sharp needle dragging through her raw flesh, tattoo small talk. Local French Quarter girl Georgia Rose (24) was excited to see that one of her favourite tattoo artists was in town...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTIn a complete display in lack of Self Awareness, Betoota Heights man, Mitchell Smith (30) has bravely declared that Vegans should really stop making being vegan their entire personality. As one of the biggest problems facing the Australian meat industry, Mitchell believes Vegans really need an attitude change, while his passion for all things meat is nothing more...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA nail salon located in Betoota Heights Westfield shopping centre has faced an uptick in complaints this week, as reports come that the usual overbearing stench of ammonia had reached ‘nuclear levels.’ The Advocate learns many of the centre's regulars have long known to give ‘Mimi’s Salon’ a wide berth when traipsing up and down the aisles, citing that...