Local News

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Scientists and researchers in the field of health, wellness and longevity have today been told to head to Betoota Heights. While the unusual request might seem perplexing to anyone familiar with the project home capital of the Channel Country, scientists have been told they'll find a modern miracle if they make the trip. The modern miracle in question is...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman in dire need of some compliments has this week roped some girlfriends into getting her anonymous questions started, by asking a series of tailored questions, it’s reported. For those less tech savvy, NGL is a message prompt that people can add to their story, which allows followers to send questions anonymously. Though this feature is mostly...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAn attractive French Quarter woman with a flair for the dramatics has today completed the unhinged hot girl cycle, by changing her Instagram display photo to a glamorous cartoon, it’s reported. Showing our reporter an image of a Bratz girl recreating the famous scene from Jennifer’s Body where Megan Fox burns her tongue, Avenue Manning, 25, says she resonates...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Ponds bloke has found himself somehow managing to fuck up what could have been a long and prosperous relationship, by accidentally sharing a glimpse of his bizarre Youtube history. It’s alleged Jamie Hughes had been just about to pop on a movie with his date Sarah, when he had the inexplicable male urge to show her a...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTTeenagers have been told to brace themselves for a bumper tax increase, especially those who just gave a $50 to a tradie who said he’d buy them a carton.Members of one such tax bracket are a group of Betoota Ponds youths who accidently paid the piper, or rather paid the plumber, after they trusted the high-vissed stranger to...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A Betoota mum is just going all out with the affection this week and has ordered a second round of hugs from her adult children after a goodbye hold up at the door. As someone who raised her three kids with an attentive balance of love and boundaries, Mona Fin (57) still has a good relationship with her adult...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTIn a classic display of drunken imagination, local man, Eli Cheshire (26) has found himself contemplating a shocking death as he urinated on a public electricity box while drinking beers with mates in a park.Eyewitnesses describe the scene as both surprising and concerning, as Eli, fueled by beer and a couple cans of Hard Sol-Hard Rated, and a...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA local bachelor has been forced to swerve into Woolies this morning, as he attempts to hide a night of frivolous passion from his colleagues.Standing in the hosiery aisle of the Woolworths Metro on Tallis Street in downtown Betoota, local B2B Sales Specialist Lewis Kennedy has been forced to freshen up his office attire by pulling...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTBattle lines have been drawn in Betoota’s flight path district this week, as the suburb’s proud migrant heritage once again is challenged by the unwelcome arrival of a franchise business.Local media have this week been covering “The Battle of The Bread Roll”, as a local Vietnamese bakehouses works to disrupt the opening of a newly opened...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT One of Betoota’s most eligible bachelors is getting creative in the kitchen tonight as he looks to curate a Michelin star worthy meal. Having been gifted a Phillips XXL Eazi-Fry Deluxe for Christmas, Duncan Dunt (29) is one of the many single blokes in town who has fallen in love with his air-fryer, a kitchen appliance...