Local News

WIKILEAKS: Man With Tape Over His Laptop Webcam Not Looking So Crazy Anymore

8 March, 2017. 12:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After news broke earlier today regarding the extent that the Central Intelligence Agency was surveilling ordinary people, a local man formerly chastised for taping up his webcam has now been vindicated. Activist agency WikiLeaks released a swathe of leaked documents this morning which detailed just how much control government spy agencies...

Local bloke still gets off by sticking his Hubba Bubba under tables

8 March, 2017. 12:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact If you've run your hand under any restaurant, pub or club table around town and felt a small crop chewing gums stuck to the underside, chances are it was put there by Elliot 'Stagecoach' Cunningham. For the past 20 years, the Dolphins hooker has terrorised publicans and restaurateurs with his discarded bubble gum wrappers...

Local Man Posts Photo Of Himself Holding Someone’s Baby In An Attempt At Looking Responsible

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local grub has sought to improve his public image by posting a series of images of him posing with his cousin's best friend's newborn baby girl to his Instagram account. James Nerada was able to convince himself moments before asking to be handed the child that if he did share some candid pics of him with...

Three Beers On A Wednesday Night Doing Better Job Than Full Case Of Piss Over Weekend

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After a 6:30 pm knock off, local man Nick Nelson (31) had only two schooeys at the Lord Betoota Hotel last night, before heading home. "I'd had a late lunch at work so wasn't thinking about dinner, got to the pub for a few throat charmers and all of a sudden I felt like I'd had ten of...

Woman with standing desk enjoys looking down on the seated peasants

7 March, 2017. 17:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Taking the moral high-ground by throwing her chair in a creek, a local public relations account director has taken to standing at her North Betoota desk - putting her wellbeing first before comfort. The healthy choice has allowed Julianne Busbey to look down at those who still sit down and work like neanderthals, judging them silently...

Man Who Hasn’t Spoken To His Son In 10 Years Says Gay Marriage Is An Attack On Family Values

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local flakey Dad, Scott Abetz (62) says that if Muslims want to move here, they better learn about Aussie values. "This wildly varying religion of 1.6 billion people have a different set of family values. A different way of life" he says. "They are trying to change what we have" Scott, who has three children from two different marriages in two...

Indian Cricket Board request another drop-in pitch from the back of Betoota

6 March, 2017. 17:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In an effort to maintain a level of consistency this Test series, the Indian Cricket Board (ICB) has made a formal request to the Diamantina Shire Council for another drop-in pitch from the back blocks of South West Betoota. Late last year, the controlling entity of Indian cricket purchased two pitches from...

Local sociopath pours disgusting dollop of milk into his tea each morning

6 March, 2017. 12:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact There is a man who works for a local IT business who is normal in every other way, save for the fact that he enjoys drinking his tea with milk. As his disgusted co-workers look on, Johnathon Tabernacle often leaves his desk around 11 each morning to fix himself a cuppa. For...

Dinner Plans With Girlfriend Looking Less Likely After Tray Of Rums Arrives

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Stepping out of his new office on Betoota's leafy Upper West Side, Connor Wales thought he'd be having a few easy schoons of his favourite local bitter while he caught up with mates over a bit of healthy conversation He even came straight from work with his laptop bag slung over his right shoulder, with all intention to...

Local dad harangues son for refusing to buy a house in this financial climate

3 March, 2017. 17:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Arriving from Malta in the years after World War II, Cenzo Farrugia quickly found work throwing shit into a skip by down by the current site of Sydney's Luna Park. Years passed and the former merchant sailor saved up enough money to finally get himself a slice of the local property market, buying in the...

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