Local News

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Anita Cruz has shown her worst side today after attempting to steal the thunder of her best friend’s upcoming wedding. Not one to shy away from attention, Anita the little psychopath uploaded yet another throwback album to her special day, which was over a year ago.  Sources close to Anita have revealed that she couldn’t deal with the limelight...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact In breaking news, The Advocate has found a family who’ve managed to halve their sugar intake without spending thousands on a nutritionist or a dietician. Excitingly, Beverley Arthur, mother of Jake, Tyson and Emeelee, says that it’s something anyone can do. “You won’t believe it, but it’s so easy to tell if a product is full of sugar or...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Damien (Damo) Molloy took a deep and considered breath through his nose this morning as he walked past the ventilation shutters of the pokie den at the Betoota Imperial Hotel. This goes against the grain of every other passer-by, who are usually seen holding their breath. Damo quit smoking two months ago as he embarked on his self-imposed ‘glow-up’...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local atheist has found herself this afternoon praying to god that the man making his way down the aeroplane aisle, isn’t coming for the spare seat next to her. “God, please no!” Anne Small thought to herself, or maybe she said it out aloud, she can’t be sure. Although trying to play it cool and pretend she doesn’t care...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A new neighbour's choice in vehicle has immediately nullified his need for a personality, after being seen unloading boxes out the boot of a 1998 Au Falcon wagon. The silver steed, which looks like it's been very bloody well looked after, has already launched 'Brad' into legend status, regardless of what comes out of his mouth over a few...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Local man Steve Hooper came to a confronting realisation this morning after his attempts at hiding his rampant weight gain have failed. For the past two months, Steve has been desperately trying to hide his ever-tubbing face with facial hair, however, his poor genetics let him down there too, by only producing a mere whisper of a goatee. A...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Former young woman, Beth Smith, has today begun her transition into being old by doing away with youthful social media platforms like Instagram and Facebook, and instead opting for LinkedIn, the online CV site that has somehow become Facebook for ageing professionals. It’s believed Beth wasn’t even aware that she’d made LinkedIn her preferred platform, revealing to The Advocate that her...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local woman’s bank has stepped in today and put a block on her debit card for fear of it being scammed by someone from West Betoota. However, The Advocate can confirm that Penny Oneill’s card was not stolen or scammed but being used recklessly by Penny herself. The block came after Penny made a number of large withdrawals;...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The organisers of Betoota's famed French Quarter Markets are facing a wave of criticism after a glaring error this weekend. The French Quarter Markets, like others around the country are the highlight of the weekend for many of the nation's inner city residents. However, organisers have been publicly called out and shamed for their decision to allow the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local engineer has been caught out doing his best Sansa Stark impersonation and lying to the world at large today. The incident occurred at around roughly 1:55 pm out the front of a popular cafe in the Betoota’s Old City District this afternoon, when a local man named Toby Hunt informed his friends that he didn’t have any...