Local News

Mum’s Only Weekend Between Footy And Cricket Ruined By The One Couple She Loathes

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The life of a footy mum comes second in struggle only to the life of a cricket mum with the same hat often worn by one very tired and sunburnt woman. However, all multi-tasking mums know the glorious weekend that lies between the football and cricket seasons that gives them a chance to reflect on why they pushed their...

Dad Reminded Of Beer Left In Freezer By Muffled Boom

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT An investigation into the strange noise recently heard coming from the kitchen has revealed the tragic loss of a bottle of beer Dad left there to quickly cool down while he mowed the lawn. "It's looking like a worst case scenario at the moment", Dad revealed at a press conference attended exclusively by Mum. "Although the bottle did...

Embarrassing Security Breach At RSL As Unimportant Person Wanders Into VIP Room

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT A regular night at the Betoota RSL took an exciting turn for local man Joseph Anders on the weekend as lax security allowed him into an area normally off-limits to all but the upper echelons of society’s elite."As I’m walking back from the TAB I saw the back entrance to the VIP Room was totally unguarded!” claimed Joseph,...

Phone Books Now To Be Delivered Directly To Recycling Bins

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT In a move applauded by green groups, Yellow Pages has announced plans to deliver it's iconic telephone directories directly to the nation's recycling bins. Studies have shown that usage of the once-indispensable directories has recently fallen with the advent of the internet and the aftermath of several Police Royal Commissions. A spokesman for the company that gave Australia the...

Looming A-League Season Kick-Off Arrives Just In Time To Justify Another Round

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A couple of huge soccer fans have today been given reason to hang around for another one this evening. In some breaking news from a pub in Betoota's Old City district, a couple of roundball enthusiasts have decided that they better not make tracks just yet, because the new season of the A-League is about to kick off....

Nation Surprised A Coastal Town Councillor Is A Bit Crook

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT It's apparently big news this morning that someone who dreams of being a local mayor might be a bit of a weird creeper. This comes after Noosa Councillor Jess Glasgow made some rank comments on last night's episode of The Bachelorette.  The member of local government who has been described by many as a 'creep' and by many more as definitely...

Inner-City Woman Hungover Enough To Order Domino’s Instead Of Normal Woodfired Pizza

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Local food enthusiast, Hannah Hellier, has shown her truest colours this morning as she lays lifeless on the couch wondering why, at 29, her and her friends still insist on getting blackout drunk. While a hungover Hannah is not unusual, the shock came after the blatant food snob (#kale) suggested that they order Domino’s pizza...

Local Woman Devastated To Realise She’s Now At The Age Where Bouncers Don’t Ask for ID

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A twenty-eight-year-old account manager at a big PR agency in Betoota is consoling herself this evening after the reality of her age finally hit. The awakening occurred after Stephanie Bryce, was waved into a pub by the bouncer without being asked for her ID. While this one-off event shouldn’t be the marker of age, for Stephanie this has been...

Report: Cassette Adapter Slightly More Dignifying Than Bluetooth Speaker On Passenger Seat

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A 7-hour road trip has got off to an average start today after the owner and driver of the car revealed that their car isn’t capable of playing an iPod unless it’s through a cassette adapter. The owner/driver, Georgia McLight, began by apologising and trying to put things into perspective for her ungrateful passengers. “Ease up, at least it’s...

Local Property Investors Call Off Plan To Get Another Iconic Pub Shut Down As Market Rebounds

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In a relief for Australian property investors, house prices have recorded their third consecutive month of rises since hitting the floor in May. This comes as the weekend's sales show the biggest monthly rebound in two and a half years, led by a strong recovery in the capital cities, which are the only markets that the media or politicians...

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