Local News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As Australians force themselves to enjoy a season of beer drinking weather, sleepless nights and fucking catastrophic natural disasters, many have turned to a life of excessive food and alcohol consumption.  While it has long since been known this behaviour isn't the worst thing, there has been a sharp increase in sightings of a negative auras around the bathroom...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact The NSW governments most recent measure to minimise the harm of drug use at festivals has not only outraged proponents of pill testing, but it has actually had the reverse effect on one MDMA user who says he’s already got something that serves the same purpose as the Amnesty bins. “Haha, yeah, it’s my mouth mate” says Niall Benchton “Only difference is...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT The notoriously dysfunctional Shipper household has had a hard time coming together this Christmas, despite the best efforts of the house matriarch, Liz Kent.  The forced relations struggled to find anything in common other than their shared bloodline, and have so far resorted to sullenly eating their ham and potatoes, speaking up only now and then to confirm that...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Relatively normal man, Bradley Moore, was scrolling through his Facebook feed when something that appeared to be a Japanese toenail peeling device caught his eye. Thinking it was an article, Bradley was shocked to discover it was actually an item he could buy. “I was a little bit confused, as I thought Facebook ads were targeted? I...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT By all accounts, things are going well for Harry and Meghan after taking the giant leap to move out by themselves. With Harry soon to be a qualified Personal Trainer and Meghan starting her own online business, the currently unemployed couple have spent the evening getting everything in order for their next big challenge. Following that bombshell decision...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Julia Watts started this year like all of the others before it - full of positivity and mildly excited for the year ahead. However, that bridled positivity has already taken a big hit, with the 26-year-old strolling through Legends Gym in Betoota Heights this evening. Walking into the large understaffed stinky testosterone-fuelled gym in accordance with her resolution...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A report by the CSIRO has found that the first weekend of the new year is where most New Years Resolutions are put on permanent hiatus. The 3000-page report outlined how the cushy nature of the first days of the new year lulled the subjects into a false sense of accomplishment which is dashed by the realisation that they...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A northern suburban neighbourhood is today copping an earful thanks to the public school system. In what might be the greatest example of sadism in the 21st century, Ben Smalls, a tone deaf eight year old, was reportedly given some holiday homework courtesy of his psychopathic music teacher. Though that seemed bad enough, it was made worse by...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact For Dina Galley (29) silly season has been in full swing since the October long weekend, which for the self-proclaimed ex-partier, it’s more than taking its toll on her. So much so, that she is today considering taking the drastic step of faking a pregnancy to get out of future engagements. Speaking exclusively with The Advocate, Dina said she...

MATILDA MARTIN | Local News | CONTACT One Adelaide resident doesn’t need your approval…. But she does want it. Desperately. Andrea Carlton, 24, works in Marketing in Perth and says she has broken free from the bad habit of needing to have other people’s approval constantly. She says the change has saved her a ton of time and made her a much happier person. “I’m...