Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactThough blush is a beauty staple heralded by many, it can be a real pain in the ass when you break it. Because that shit gets fucking everywhere. Local woman Georgia Hayworth has unfortunately learnt this the hard way, after saving up for a nice blush from Mecca that was pigmented enough to breathe...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT A local man has sadly come to the conclusion that his pinger days are behind him, when he found himself spending a few hours searching for the perfect knife block. Adam Kehle or ‘Adsy’ as he was formally known, had built up a reputation as quite the loose unit back in the day, often...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT Scientists have today made a startling discovery in Betoota Heights, after they were alerted about the presence of a new ecosystem. It’s alleged they were given the tip off from the pest control company ‘Papa Roach', who’d been called by a concerned mother earlier that day to inspect some strange new developments in her son’s...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT Betoota Heights bloke Blake Hudson has copped an absolute rinsing this afternoon, when he was putting the cast iron skillet in the dishwasher despite multiple warnings from his wife, Brooke. It’s alleged the expensive frying pan was purchased by Brooke a few months ago, who’d bought it as part of her new commitment to cultivating...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact A woman has today had to pull the brakes on a potential date, when it failed to accurately line up with her hair washing schedule. As someone with thick and hard to manage hair, Renee McMorris often had to work her social schedule around her hair washing days, given how long it took to dry...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle |ContactA woman has today had to opt for one of her backup peasant masks, after losing her fashionable black during a weekend bender. Leslie Hornby is said to have grown quite fond of her trusty black mask, reportedly feeling a pang of sadness when she’d realised she’d lost it. Thinking it was just hard to find...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactThough a local woman says she wishes she could pull off the effortless French look, she often finds himself not knowing how to style a black turtleneck - which sucks, given how flattering it is to her figure. The first time Lisa Hitchens had opted for the classic wardrobe staple, she’d made the mistake of...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Heights local has this week had his intelligence seriously questioned after failing to get Wordle right not one, but three days in a row. Despite considering himself a reasonably smart bloke, James Tibbet has seen himself thwarted by a simple word puzzle and left wondering just how many five letter words there...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local bloke has had his whole worldview turned on its head after finding out that his girlfriend isn’t into muscly men, or really any man that he would deem attractive by his conventional beauty standards. This startling realisation is said to have occurred when Anthony made an offhand remark about finding the Pete Davidson...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA bloke who used to be known for his love of spray on jeans has successfully rebranded to something a little more comfortable, after he was seen sporting some pretty sick jewellery. Anthony Phillips is said to have rode the emo trend pretty hard back in the day, including a gravity defying side fringe...