EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT
The notoriously dysfunctional Shipper household has had a hard time coming together this Christmas, despite the best efforts of the house matriarch, Liz Kent.
The forced relations struggled to find anything in common other than their shared bloodline, and have so far resorted to sullenly eating their ham and potatoes, speaking up only now and then to confirm that yes, the ham is very juicy.
After a round of Bundy heavy rum balls failed to get the party started, Liz was about to commence part 3 of her ‘get the family to bond’ plan when her husband Steve decided now was the perfect time to pop in the Eagles Live discography DVD.
“I just want us to have a nice time,” wails Liz, “it’s only one day of the year.”
“Can’t you all just continue with this farce that we’re a loving family? For me!?”
“Who wants to pull a Christmas Cracker? Anyone?”
Despite Liz’s best efforts, shoving crackers in everyone’s faces failed to get the family away from the TV. It was only until the kids were about to piss off out the front door, that nan unveiled the winning hand.
“Who wants to help me with these scratchies?”
Like a scene from a Hallmark special, every member of the family reportedly made a beeline to nans chair to grab a 5c coin. For a solid fifteen minutes the Shipper household was a united front, happily scratching away in the hopes they’d be the one to unearth a fortune.
Unfortunately, the family went back to not speaking after nan declared she wouldn’t be sharing his $500 winnings with anyone.