Nations Quirky Musos Excited To See Which Zany Instrument Bill Bailey Rolls Out This Time
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
Australia’s keytar strummers are reportedly migrating to major cities this week, as metropolitan centres prepare for the arrival of musical comedian Bill Bailey.
The Advocate understands that state theatres around the nation are gearing up to serve a particularly niche brand of music lovers, the kind that enjoy wearing paisley shirts and tapping their suede walking shoes...
Fashion Industry Runs Out Of Sage Green In Post Covid Wedding Boom
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTWhile a shopping list of industries deal with a labour shortage, the fashion industry is suffering a different shortage as they will never run out of 3rd world labour to exploit.With 2022 finally being the host year for over two years of delayed weddings, the fashion industry has had to inform all engaged couples that they have run...
Bloke Staring At Wife’s Halloween Decorations Ponders Why That Colour Combination Seems So Familiar
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactStaring pensively at the Halloween decorations adorning his lounge room, local bloke Aaron Thompson finds himself scrambling to work out why it seems…oddly familiar.
But try as he might, he can’t quite put his finger on why the colour combination is so striking, or why it seems to stir up quite the mix of feelings.
How strange.
“What do you think!?”,...
Bald Fellas Actually Responsible For Telling Balding Men How Long They Have Left
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTJust like a doctor delivering a grave diagnosis, local bald fella Campbell Head (35) has taken up the mantle of telling his balding brethren just how long they have left.Having shaved the lot only five years ago on the eve of his 30th name day, Head has become somewhat of an inspirational figure in the bald/balding community, rocking...
Recession Time! Society Based On Capitalism Continues Its Perpetual State Of Crisis
RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact
The World Bank, the US Federal Reserve and pretty much everyone else is about 95% sure we’re going to enter terrifying global recession.
Yee-haw!
If this does happen, The Advocate can confirm that life as we know it will stop. There will be no more hope, the economy will be up the toilet, and no one will understand why.
This is...
Frustrated Email To Landlord To Be Worded Like Jane Austen Characters Corresponding With One Another
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA frustrated local woman has this week been forced to go full on pass ag mode on her landlord, typing out what must be the most formal letter she’s ever written.
Michelle Audrey is said to have received an email from her landlord at exactly 10:26 this morning, which stated that her rent would be increased by 20%...
Local Woo Girls Order Their Sexy Underpaid And Overworked Frontline Worker Costumes For Halloween
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactThe nation’s woo girls have been seen raiding costume shops and adult stores en masse this week, as they scramble to get some sexy outfits for Halloween.
Costume store owners allege that police officer uniforms and nun dresses were quickly snapped up, but that luckily they’d prepared ahead of time to do a mass ordering of the most popular...
Wife Genuinely Considering Applying For The Block After Re-Painting Guest Bedroom Over Weekend
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
A Betoota Heights woman is today considering a huge challenge, after a big weekend of DIY.
Lisa Tran says she's considering putting her life on hold for 6 months, and applying for a chance to go on The Block.
"I honestly reckon the hubby and I would be good on there," laughed Lisa this afternoon.
Popular year after...
Hordes Of Incels Who’ve Never Watched A Quarter Of Netball Suddenly Concerned For Game’s Future
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
The game of netball has this week received support from an army of fans it never knew it had.
This comes following the Gina Rineheart sponsorship saga, with the Hancock Prospecting boss pulling 15 million dollars worth of cash for Netball Australia.
The withdrawal of the funds followed the players refusing to wear the Hancock Prospecting logo, after...
Local City Worker Still Harbours Deeply Buried Aspirations To Be A Hot Billabong Surfer Chick
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactDespite never having had any interest in doing anything that remotely involves the ocean, local woman Kayla Stewart has always secretly harboured a desire to be a hot surfer chick - namely, the hot Billabong surfer chicks she saw in her old teen magazines, or plastered on the walls of City Beach.
As a frequent viewer of shows such...
