Local News

App to prevent ‘accidental incest’ proves a hit with West Queenslanders

6 August, 2016. 10:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THE RISK OF WEST QUEENSLANDERS ACCIDENTLY sleeping with a relative or 'family friend' is apparently high enough to justify the creation of a smartphone app to help prevent it. A Thargomindah-based tech startup has released an app that has the information of every person registered in the Maranoa federal electorate and how...

Local Mum Thoroughly Impressed By Teenage Son’s Homemade Bunsen Burner

5 August, 2016 10:15 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local mum, Deidre Colley (48) is thoroughly impressed by her 17-year-old son Braiden's homemade bunsen burner, it has been confirmed. After stumbling upon it while cleaning the floor underneath his bed this afternoon, Mrs Colley was amazed by the engineering involved in what her son says is just 'some thing they made us do at...

Dad Expecting Daughter Gently Steers Wife Away From Long List Of Names Belonging To Old Roots

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local man, Jordan Javesa (36) is struggling to tell his wife, Angela, that the list of favourite baby names that she has chosen for their unborn daughter could easily be confused with a list of chicks he used to root. "It's really bad. I mean, she knows I used to get around before I met her. But this is another...

Report: Girlfriend’s Gay Best Friend Getting Away With Some Fairly Controversial Comments

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local man, Troy Liston can't believe some of the shit his girlfriend's gay best friend, Ted, gets away with saying to her. While tagging along on their weekly coffee date, Troy says he was blown away by some of the remarks he heard Ted throwing around in front of his partner of three years this morning. "Obviously the context is a bit...

Local Dad Mercilessly Heckles Hungover Waiter During Family Breakfast

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Dad Ken Gillespie (59) is really enjoying giving it to the hungover waiter at a family breakfast this morning, it has been confirmed. While celebrating his daughter's 23rd birthday at a prominent inner-city cafe, Mr Gillespie was quick to notice that the young bloke serving them had a sickly Tasmania pallor and still smelt a little bit like...

Local soft boy needs two hands on the pliers to cut plain wire

17 July, 2016. 12:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact GRAPPLING HIS 10-INCH CRESCENTS like he's holding a cricket bat, a North Betoota sissy has embarrassed himself this morning by using both hands to cut up some plain wire. Stopping short of wearing gloves, Sam Earle (24) let out a quiet, audible moan as he finally heard the clink of wire hitting the...

Tortured High Schooler Not Even Sure What Triggers His Erections Anymore

12 July, 2016. 10:05 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Local teenager, Ed Harper can't stand up right now. For fear of being asked by his English teacher to help contribute to a English problem on the white board, the 15-year-old is currently sitting in complete silence while praying to whatever God will listen to his desperate pleas to be left alone until it goes soft. Ed...

Poor Old Evan Forced To Take Own Cousin To His Formal

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THOUGH HE USUALLY does most of his self-loathing from the comfort of his own bedroom, local sad case Evan Bellmonty had a change of scenery over the weekend. His parents were growing uneasy with their son's growing detachment from society. The St Clare's College mid-winter Ball seemed like a great opportunity for young Evan to get out...

Two mates softly embrace after learning they’re tunnel buddies

8 July, 2016. 12:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact IN WHAT STARTED OFF AS just a casual catch-up drink at their local watering hole, two Betoota men soon discovered that they've both run a line through the same pleasant, but unstable woman. In 2010, Taylor Conway ran into Chloe Kennedy at an evening function at the Betoota beer pit behind the...

Local Man Responds To “How Ya Going?” With Disgusting Update On Haemorrhoid

7 July, 2016. 11:35 MERV HARRIS | Local News | Contact Colleagues of Rowen Giddens at Betoota Accountancy were left in stunned silence this morning after Mr Giddens revealed he is currently struggling with a massive haemorrhoid, during a conversation in the office about footy. The group of workmates had been discussing the fight that Betoota Dolphins stalwart and crotch-grab merchant Matt Southwell had started...

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