‘I’ll Call You Back, I’m On 10%” Says Mum Midway Through 40 Minute Convo With Flashlight Blaring
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactWhen it comes to teaching her mum about technology, local woman Bree Garrison needs to take her wins when she can.
For instance, she hasn’t heard her mum Deb's phone drop out mid conversation in a while, which used to occur at a rate of roughly a once a week, as her mum still hadn’t gotten her head around...
Local Woman Hacks Fitness App By Consuming An Ungodly Amount Of Peanut Butter Before Bedtime
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Heights woman has this week decided she’s 100% for real this time becoming a gym junkie, after her Tik Tok algorithm was hijacked by booty transformation videos.
Loudly declaring to anyone within earshot that she ‘wanted a dumpie’, Ainsley Hobbs has decreed that the only way she can do this is if she gets a bunch...
Local Woman Finally Experiencing Sunset Over Ocean Unfortunately In Perth
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA middle class Australian woman has struck one off her bucket list today by finally watching the sunset over the ocean.Last weekend, Instagram user Ellie Purchelle (27) posted a photo of the sun setting over the water without the location tagged and with the city cropped out.Having previously ticked off the bucket list items such as Visit New...
Shock As Local Council Promises To Do Something And Then Goes And Does It
RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact
The Greater Diamantina Rivers Shire Council has today changed the way Australians think, feel and talk about their local council, after promising to do something and then going and doing it.
Only 7 business days after promising to fill-in the newly acquired potholes along flood-ravaged Old Cartons Hwy, confused ratepayers found themselves driving along kilometres of brand new, pothole-free...
Nations Quirky Musos Excited To See Which Zany Instrument Bill Bailey Rolls Out This Time
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
Australia’s keytar strummers are reportedly migrating to major cities this week, as metropolitan centres prepare for the arrival of musical comedian Bill Bailey.
The Advocate understands that state theatres around the nation are gearing up to serve a particularly niche brand of music lovers, the kind that enjoy wearing paisley shirts and tapping their suede walking shoes...
Fashion Industry Runs Out Of Sage Green In Post Covid Wedding Boom
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTWhile a shopping list of industries deal with a labour shortage, the fashion industry is suffering a different shortage as they will never run out of 3rd world labour to exploit.With 2022 finally being the host year for over two years of delayed weddings, the fashion industry has had to inform all engaged couples that they have run...
Bloke Staring At Wife’s Halloween Decorations Ponders Why That Colour Combination Seems So Familiar
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactStaring pensively at the Halloween decorations adorning his lounge room, local bloke Aaron Thompson finds himself scrambling to work out why it seems…oddly familiar.
But try as he might, he can’t quite put his finger on why the colour combination is so striking, or why it seems to stir up quite the mix of feelings.
How strange.
“What do you think!?”,...
Bald Fellas Actually Responsible For Telling Balding Men How Long They Have Left
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTJust like a doctor delivering a grave diagnosis, local bald fella Campbell Head (35) has taken up the mantle of telling his balding brethren just how long they have left.Having shaved the lot only five years ago on the eve of his 30th name day, Head has become somewhat of an inspirational figure in the bald/balding community, rocking...
Recession Time! Society Based On Capitalism Continues Its Perpetual State Of Crisis
RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact
The World Bank, the US Federal Reserve and pretty much everyone else is about 95% sure we’re going to enter terrifying global recession.
Yee-haw!
If this does happen, The Advocate can confirm that life as we know it will stop. There will be no more hope, the economy will be up the toilet, and no one will understand why.
This is...
Frustrated Email To Landlord To Be Worded Like Jane Austen Characters Corresponding With One Another
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA frustrated local woman has this week been forced to go full on pass ag mode on her landlord, typing out what must be the most formal letter she’s ever written.
Michelle Audrey is said to have received an email from her landlord at exactly 10:26 this morning, which stated that her rent would be increased by 20%...
