Headlines

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact The Diamantina Shire Council is relieved today after seeing two people finally use the weird toy-like public gym equipment purchased and placed in Central Park four years ago. The use comes as a huge relief to the councillors, as they reallocated money from the road maintenance fund to pay for the outdoor gym – only after copping heat for...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With the Liberal Party still licking their wounds after losing the seat of Wentworth in the history-making by-election last month, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has today been forced to confront a new thorn in his side. That is, possibility of finally losing the seat of Dickson altogether, after North Brisbane's golden boy Paul Fatty Vautin announced his plans to...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian backpacker transport rental company Wicked Camper Vans have today apologised for what has been described as a lapse in judgement, after one of their vehicles was seen brandished with one of the creepiest quotes in Australian political history. The quote: “Virginity is the greatest gift that you can give someone'' is attributed to then opposition leader Tony Abbott in...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A run-of-the-mill kind of bloke named Nathan has made life very hard for a poorly prepared wedding photographer over the weekend. Nathan, a 30-year-old high school mate of the groom who works in an building strata administration, whipped out his best smart casual attire for the holy matrimony. However, his thin navy and off-white pin striped shirt has thrown a...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local gyprock and indoor tiling specialist has today confirmed that there is still a few places selling non-orange flavoured Fanta. Mike (77) fits just about every other stereotype befitted upon Australian tilers, in that he is never not squatting, even during smoko, as well as his generous offerings of cigarettes with no health warnings on the packet. That, and...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Generic white dork #2 has secured the leadership of the NSW Labor Party, and pledged to "fix the planning system in NSW" should he be elected Premier in March. He has also indicated that he will do his very best to not be corrupt and go to prison like most of the prominent NSW Labor Right identities over the...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In Betoota Grove, Year 12 graduate Simone Fletcher (18) told The Advocate that she is very excited that her exams are over, and that she cannot wait to begin the first of her four gap years. Fletcher states she is delighted to have finally finished her exams and is hoping to be somewhere in South America when the results come out...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After providing written evidence that their legal team had a quicker turn around than their app developers, the fun-loving larrikin of predatory online gambling was tragically euthanised yesterday afternoon. This followed earlier reports that Sportsbet had crashed nationwide in the lead-up to the Melbourne Cup, the busiest betting event of the year. Both problem gamblers and once-off punters who...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Armchair commentator Angus Doorey (32) recently discovered he was a bit more sauced than he thought after actually laughing at an ad for Sportsbet. Although there were six empty beer bottles on his table alongside two empty packets of chips, Doorey knew that he’d had too much to drink when he laughed at the Sportsbet ad which made light...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Levi Ashton confirmed to us today that a few seconds earlier on were nearly the longest of his life. The time seemed to drag on forever a short time ago as the young engineer from Betoota's French Quarter dropped some very hot content into a group chat with his mates. "Fuck me I started sweating after probably 30 seconds. I...