Headlines

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Logically, it should only have taken a few hours for Aisha Schwartz to complete her 800 word critical analysis on ‘Pride and Prejudice.’ But after watching the entire BBC season in class, which admittedly, she’d quite liked, Aisha just can’t bring herself to think of a critical viewpoint to start her essay. Or read the novel, given that SparkNotes...

LOUIS BOURKE | Editor | Contact Local insurance salesman Colin McDavish (34) never seemed to fit in until he found a home amongst a flock of racially pure black sheep. “For initiation they punch you over and over while you name five brands of Australian cereal that you are proud of” recounted McDavish in a 100% accurate account of the Proud Boys actual initiation ceremony. “My...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Elodie Pappas (16) today joins thousands of young Australians who can no longer afford the tools to develop her critical thinking skills, as the Senate passes new laws that will dramatically increase the cost of studying humanities. Under the changes, the cost of social sciences and humanities degrees will more than double, while also removing government support for students...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As Summer comes screaming in for yet another year, the surf clubs around Australia are once again experiencing an influx of holiday home owners and tourists. As the purveyor of universal pleasures like battered flake and cold schooners, the surf club is often recognised as the most important community institution in any coastal town. But there are rules. Some are quite...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT US Vice President Mike Pence has today fronted the American people to argue that Donald Trump deserves another four years, because he is the only one that can save them from the racial division and coronavirus outbreaks that he has caused. Vice President Mike Pence and Joe Biden's VP pick Kamala Harris greeted each other at a distance at...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Donald Trump supporters remain confident in their President's claims that the coronavirus isn't really hurting him because he is stronger than this stupid virus that only kills poor people. This follows the perhaps premature announcement that Mr Trump has since left the Walter Reed Medical Hospital on Tuesday, where he was being treated for the virus. White House physician Dr Sean...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Local student Isla Parker is royally fucked. She should have learnt her lesson on the last test she failed, but Isla has since adopted quite the laissez-faire attitude when it comes to taking exams. An attitude that is immediately dropped as soon as she sees the first page of the test. See for Isla, Maths has never been her strong...

CLYDE OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT FROM THE ARCHIVES: DALLAS, TEXAS - 22/11/1963 The American fake news commentators are in full swing this afternoon, after President John F. Kennedy was shot with a bullet today. The sensationalist inner-city elites who so condescendingly cover current affairs in their role as 'journalists' have been quick to write-off the Democrat President, who appeared to be quite unwell for a...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Washington (CNN) The White House is showing no signs of backing down from President Donald Trump's refusal to condemn the virus his administration is currently spreading throughout the White House, despite pleas from some Republican allies to do so. This follows the news that Donald Trump has announced that he and his wife Melania have tested positive for COVID-19....

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT US President Donald Trump has been spotted sprinting through the West Wing by White House staff this morning, after confirming that both he and his wife Melania Trump have tested positive for COVID-19. With a syringe in hand the husky President appeared to be making tracks for The White House laundry, in an effort to stop the virus before...