Politics

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With time running out for departing US President Donald Trump to demand the recounts and proceedings he needs to win the election he lost, White House staffers are reporting their usually frolicsome leader has lost some of his natural pep.  “He hasn’t thrown a dart at me in weeks,” stated leader of the White House Porters Ian Reinfold, who...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation has been rocked today by the revelations in the Afghanistan War Crimes Report. As a result, the nation is asking for answers on how the appalling culture that facilitated the murder of Afghans and promoted war crimes as a badge of honour was allowed to develop and go on unchecked for so long. The wide-ranging report...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As if 2020 could not get any weirder, local landscaper Timothy Foster (30) has just now begun a paleo diet.  Also known as the caveman diet, the paleo diet focuses on eating foods consumed by our Neolithic forebears such as meat and $14 protein bars. Alleged benefits of the diet include improved health, increased libido, and a sense of superiority...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Once again late to follow a trend Melbourne has already moved on from, Adelaide is home to Australia’s latest outbreak of COVID-19.  Initially mistaken for a weird new recess food, The North Adelaide Pizza Bar Cluster includes 20 new and 14 suspected cases of COVID-19 with up to 4000 individuals being told to quarantine until they test negative for...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Federal Government has signed a $1.2 billion compensation deal in relation to the botched automated debt recovery scheme that resulted in $398 million in wrongly raised debts The bogus debts have since been dismissed, and the government has agreed to pay $112 million in compensation to the families of those that killed themselves, or lost their entire livelihoods...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Hunter Valley Labor MP Joel Fitzgibbon has this week called for his party to be more proactive in engaging with some of the highest-earning individuals in the country, like the coal miners in his electorate. Fitzgibbon, who quit the front bench this week after an internal battle about climate change policy, appears to be saying more than he's said...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Former Labor Leader Bill Shorten is back in the spotlight today, after making a rather curious request. The loser of two federal elections has reportedly asked his colleagues and some prominent figures in the media if it might be worth asking for a recount of both ballots. This comes following Donald Trump's refusal to concede the election defeat,...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some news from the capital of the country, Australia's Head of Marketing has announced a big bad prosecutor to investigate allegations of war crimes in the nation's armed forces. The special investigator will be asked to examine what went on in Afghanistan as the Government prepares to release a long-awaited report into the conduct of special...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT One of Parliament's most embattled Ministers has called it a day this afternoon. Christian Porter is sick of all the drama and invasive gossip centred around his personal life. A Western Australian by birth and electorate, Porter is the son and grandson of two highly regarded Queenslanders. So with that kind of lineage, he's decided to throw on a maroon Raph...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Prime Minister has today made a bit of a personal compromise, and put aside his faith for a little while. Speaking from Canberra this morning in the ongoing wake of the Christian Porter/Alan Tudge scandal, Scotty from Marketing revealed that he's popping his Christian hat off until all this stuff blows over. "Look, as a wealthy white...