Once again late to follow a trend Melbourne has already moved on from, Adelaide is home to Australia’s latest outbreak of COVID-19. 

Initially mistaken for a weird new recess food, The North Adelaide Pizza Bar Cluster includes 20 new and 14 suspected cases of COVID-19 with up to 4000 individuals being told to quarantine until they test negative for the virus that has claimed the lives of 907 Australians. 

Although the danger of the virus cannot be understated, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has weighed in and demanded the Northern Adelaide suburbs get it together and open up already.

“It has been long enough already, people want to go order a pizza again, hurry up before we all starve to death,” stated Mr Morrison while he banged his fists against a table like a pair of turkey roasts tumbling down wooden stairs.

“The Northern Adelaide economy will not recover from this. They will struggle to reopen whatever it is they do down there ever again.”

“Down there? Up there? Doesn’t matter where, open up buttercup, that’s the headline. Use that as your headline. Write it down. Now.”


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