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Leftovers To Stay In Office Fridge For Another 24 Hours As Monday Melancholy Starts To Bite

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A container of local leftovers in a Betoota CBD office have lived to fight another day. This comes after Betoota Heights man Ashton Roberts made the executive decision to fuck off the mass of rice, soy sauce, eggs, and some random vegetables. The decision was reportedly made after a slow dragged out Monday morning in the office, with Ashton...

SeaDoo Release New EV Jet Ski To Target FIFOs Transitioning Into Renewables Sector

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The world of white water fish tails looks set to change drastically this year, with a new range of Jet Skis to hit the market.  This comes as Australia finally starts to realize that electric vehicles are a pretty feasible option moving forward - a few years after the rest of the world came to terms with the same...

Bloke On BBQ Duty Checks To Make Sure Everyone Saw Him Pour Beer On The Snags 

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local alpha male who has taken on the duty of cooking all of the meat at a barbecue in the park, has nonchalantly poured beer on the hot plate several times now, as though it’s some sort of traditionally family recipe. Friends say that there was absolutely no questions asked when local outdoor furniture retailer, Shaun (28) took...

Liberals And Labor Find Rare Bi-Partisan Agreement On Abolishing The Electoral Divisions Of Melbourne, Griffith, Brisbane, Ryan, North Sydney, Wentworth, Indi, Kennedy, Warringah, Kooyong, Mayo And Mackellar

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation's two major political parties have today signalled a major change to our democratic system. The Betoota Advocate has exclusively learnt this morning that the Labor and Liberal Parties have made a handshake agreement to shake up the number of electoral divisions around the country. While branded as a boring and bureaucratic change to the voting system,...

Queensland’s New Poo At Work Campaign To Leave Workplace Toilets Leaking Emissions Like State’s Open Cut Mines

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Queensland Government has this week made headlines for an eyebrow raising campaign.  In a decision that has vindicated blokes who spend an hour a day doing paid poos - Queensland Health has rolled out a campaign aimed at assuring people that it’s okay to lay cable at work.  Rolled out across social media with pretty dolphins and bright colours,...

Nation Patiently Waits For Fred Again To Sample A Brown Cardigan Video For Next Tune

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Australian music community has today politely made a request to British DJ Fred Again. Less than a year after Fred Again mania swept the country, Aussie EDM fans, triple J listeners and people who go to gyms and fitness classes have now asked whether the great man can sort out a special song for our country. The...

Taylor Swift The White Orders Her Army To War With Donald Trump

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The US Presidential Election has this afternoon taken a stunning turn, after a declaration of war one from one of the most powerful figures in the Western World. Taylor Swift The White has today declared she will be throwing her support behind the Democratic nominee Kamala Harris. The pop mega star and wizard of Swiftegard did so a...

Labor’s Base Shrinking Now That Rural Australia No Longer Held Hostage By Communist Shearers Who Can Fight Like Fuck

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Labor Party’s base is shrinking by the day, now that Australia’s regions are no longer dominated by hard-headed communists who are willing to bash anyone for supporting those softcocks from the Liberal Party. This decline in voters has increased steadily since Labor first tried to yuppify and distance themselves from the country towns and industrial suburbs once dominated...

Triple M To Play Non Stop Fooeys For Next 36 Hours In Tribute To Dave Grohl’s Mid Life Crisis

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation's home of non stop footy and rock and roll have today rolled out a batch of special programming. Triple M has confirmed to listeners this morning that they will be playing non stop Foo Fighters for the next 36 hours, in tribute to the band's lead man Dave Grohl. This comes after news broke overnight that...

Constant Bombardment Of Gambling Ads For Kids Under 14 Totally Fine Though Confirms Government

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Federal Government has today come out to defend its signature new social media policy. While it continues to sit on its hands regarding a number of other social issues that effect our kids, the government has confirmed that a social media ban is the number one priority. "We need to stop kids being influenced poorly in such...

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