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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Billionaire Elon Musk has today revealed plans to combat that new tech platform going after his new tech platform. The 'eccentric' billionaire has confirmed he's made a 2 billion dollar bid to purchase the new Threads app. Confusing the fuck out of every single person who has downloaded it, the Threads app has caused a serious stir over...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Australian Cricket Family has traveled to Headingley this week with added security, following the stumping of English wicketkeeper Johnny Bairstow, which has upset a lot of English people. Security professionals feel that the sporting dismissal has upset enough people to warrant full-time security for players, support staff, and their families. This includes former Test...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A report commissioned by the Diamantina Housing Institute (DIA) has found that too much urban space is dedicated to a stupid game played by old barge arse boomers and their fuckhead children when the land could be turned into thousands of apartments for people to live in. The report, which was funded in part by...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT The English Cricket team and cricketing establishment have re-claimed the Ashes, it can be confirmed today. Despite a ball not having been bowled in the 3rd Test at Headingley, the English are ready to celebrate bringing the coveted urn back home. The historic victory in the 3rd Test follows two resounding moral victories at Lords and Edgbaston, with...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Pauline Hanson has confirmed that she will once again be running her own race. The leader of One Nation has revealed that she plans to send out her own 2,000 word essay regarding the Voice referendum. The commitment to self publish what will surely be a sort after piece of work, comes after the the Coalition dominated No...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of the country's peak investment authorities has branded gambling as a "tax on stupid people" this afternoon in a heated confrontation in the front bar of the Lord Kidman Hotel in the Old City. Ronnie Fuller, or Eat_Sleep_Orto_Phel8_Repete_69 as the 48-year-old is known online, was almost immediately abused by a section of the bar...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With the Little Johnny Scandal heading into its third day, the powers back home in Australia have today begun making contingency plans. Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has today asked the navy to get their things in order, just in case our Australian cricketers need to be evacuated from the United Sookdom. The sooking of English cricket fans and...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After an exciting 48 hours in the world of cricket, the English cricketing team have confirmed they want to keep the good times rolling. This comes after the players, coaching staff and greater cricketing establishment revealed they want to keep sooking for the foreseeable future. The sooking comes as a result of the Johnny Bairstow dismissal, which the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Treasurer Jim Chalmers has issued a grim forecast this morning in Canberra. In a brief statement to the media, Treasurer Chalmers outlined the challenges of bringing inflation in line without taxing businesses making excessive profits and wealthy Australians investing in property. "It's honestly harder than the radio control helicopter mission in Vice City," he said. "You know...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Reserve Bank boss Philip Lowe is mulling today as it's the first Tuesday of the month. Along with the board of the nation's central bank, Mr Lowe will decide the monetary destiny of millions when they meet in Sydney later this morning. In his bi-monthly telephone call with The Advocate, the seemingly quiet country boy...