A Betoota Heights man known locally to authorities for his vendetta against jet ski riders has won the Oz Lotto jackpot overnight, netting him a cool $20M. 

The genuinely well liked local bloke says he’s finally rolling in it. 

“I might be able to buy a used car in this market now,” laughed Dale Clarke, a panel beater from our town’s aspirational project home suburb. 

“And I’ve been looking at this high-kilometre 2004 Landcruiser Prado that’s been up on the nature strip on the corner of Baltimore and Church. Looks like it’s never been garaged, taken off road by P-platers and towed four tonnes worth of caravan around Australian seventeen times,”

“I’ve seen the owner drive it around the Coles carpark up the French Quarter and you’d never heard such a sick sounding diesel. Not so much a spray but more of a lethargic dribble of diesel making it into the cylinder. It moans in first gear, sounds like Sauron crying and coughing. Christ knows what the DPF would look like. At this price, they’ve probably just deleted it and give the bloke doing the inspection a few cartons of cold ones on the side,”

“On top of that, it’s not even a bloody Grande. It’s not even a VX. It’s bloody GXL. Poverty. Well, I’m not anymore,”

“The bloke wants $10M for it or a near offer, I reckon I could get him down to $9.5M.”

“Or not. I can afford to pay the whole 10 milly for it now if I need to.” 

More to come.


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