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“Yes, Keep Blaming The Central Bank And Boomers For Your Housing Woes” Say These Three Sociopaths

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In a rare joint statement, former Prime Ministers Tony Abbott, Malcolm Turnbull and Scott Morrison have called on the nation's young people to keep blaming the Reserve Bank and their stupid boomer parents for destroying the housing market and crushing any dreams they had of attaining their version of the Australian Dream. The statement was...

Albo Sits In The Economy Section Of His Private Jet In Solidarity With People Doing It Tough

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister is on his way to London today for the Coronation of King Charles III despite criticisms that he should skip the celebrations to focus on tackling more pressing issues on the home front. Cost of living pressures have made life harder for millions of everyday Australians and Anthony Albanese told The Advocate...

Plus One On Wedding Table Full Of People She Doesn’t Know Really Ploughing Through The Wines

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A young woman from Betoota Heights is feeling a little sorry for herself today, after a fairly sizeable Saturday night and Sunday morning. Speaking to us from the giant tile retail warehouse she works at in Betoota's Flight Path District, Naomi Klein says she's running on empty at the moment. "Yesterday was rough," sighed the young woman who...

Precocious Little Shit Reckons This Isn’t Real Carbonara

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The son of a Betoota Heights escalator technician turned his nose up at dinner last night, complaining to his parents that the pasta dish put before him "wasn't real carbonara". Declan Phillips, a Year 8 student at the Greens Road State School, made the remarks to his mother shortly before 7pm last night. Just has...

Albo Defends Acting As The Nyotaimori Body Sushi Model At Kyle Sandiland’s Wedding

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister has come under fire for attending the wedding of controversial FM radio shock jock Kyle Sandilands over the weekend. However, Anthony Albanese remains unmoved by the criticisms as he described Mr. Sandilands as a "great Australian" in the lead-up to the nuptials. Speaking to The Advocate this morning, the Prime Minister laughed...

Woke Millennial Teacher Reckons You Can’t Send A Kid To School With A Chip Sandwich Anymore

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A hard-working Betoota Heights father received a call this afternoon from his son's teacher a Green Road State School in Betoota Heights and it wasn't about his behaviour - this time. With a few hours to kill between knocking off at 3pm and being home for dinner around 7pm, 43-year-old carpenter Brett Glenn was sitting...

From The Archives: Hawke Concerned For Fraser’s Mental Health After He Went Mad On The Grog And Lost His Pants Somewhere In Memphis

14 October 1986 ROBERT PENFOLD | US Correspondent | Contact Prime Minister Bob Hawke has expressed concern for his political opponent, former PM Malcolm Fraser, after reports emerged that Fraser lost his pants somewhere in Memphis while under the influence of alcohol. Hawke, who famously enjoyed a drink or two before his time in office, expressed his dismay at Fraser's behaviour, stating...

Scientists Reveal First Images Of New Omicron Sub-Variant

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the world enters its third year of battling the spicy cough, scientists have revealed that a new variant has received a software upgrade. Speaking to reporters from out the front of some giant government subsidised lab, a group of medical experts have confirmed the existence of a new Omicron sub variant. Titled XBB.1.16 the new sub variant...

Enlightened Young Conservative That Grew Up In This House Feels The Voice Is Tokenistic And Patronising

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After trying his hand at a number of professions, the son of a successful local businessman and a popular television chef has decided to give media a spin in the hopes of finding some sort of validation for his continued existence in his parents' pool house cabana. Greymarth House is a heritage-listed Victorian Italianate mansion...

Italians Claim Australian Prosecco Is Inferior Because It Doesn’t Contain Any DOT4 Brake Fluid

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The battle between local prosecco producers and their Italian counterparts is heating up again this week after the Europeans filed their case to the EU Trade Commission in Brussels. In their filing, Italian producers of the effervescent brain varnish have lashed local prosecco makers in Australia by claiming that the product is inferior because it...

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