ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Minister has come under fire for attending the wedding of controversial FM radio shock jock Kyle Sandilands over the weekend. However, Anthony Albanese remains unmoved by the criticisms as he described Mr. Sandilands as a “great Australian” in the lead-up to the nuptials.

Speaking to The Advocate this morning, the Prime Minister laughed off suggestions that he should have politely declined.

“Look, Kyle is living proof that you can go from Brisbane’s Bayside all the way to the top,” said Mr. Albanese.

“His story is inspirational. Which is why when Kyle asked me to be the body sushi model at his wedding, I was more than happy to do that for Kyle. So on the Friday night before the wedding, I, uh, stripped off into the nude and covered myself in the Veet stuff. I had never heard of it before, but it leaves you hairless, like some sort of dolphin. I jumped in the pool out the front of Admiralty House on Saturday morning to see if I could swim fast. I could. I was even making these clicking noises, and, you know, how the dolphins go ‘eeee eeee eee’ like two Styrofoam boxes scraping together, I was doing that.”

“So I was nice and hairless and ready for the nyotaimori, which is Japanese for body sushi. People were eating sushi off my naked body all night. It was hilarious, and I was more than happy to do that for Kyle. Even (NSW Premier) Chris Minns came over to say ‘hi,’ and he ate the nigiri off my nipples. No chopsticks or anything, he just bent over and hoovered the things clean off my areolas.”

“It was a magical evening, and I was glad to be invited.”

The Advocate reached out to Kyle and his management for comment but have yet to receive a reply.

More to come.


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