CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
One young man’s inevitable ‘meet the parents’ moment took place in front a couple dozen eager eyes at a local Betoota pub this afternoon, as 19-year-old accounting student Billy McKeag was marched into front the Lord Kidman by his new girlfriend.
Billy’s new squeeze, Tina, had been unsure about how to introduce her relatively mild-mannered new boy to her old man and mother – but after 4 months she decided to rip the band-aid off and get in done in her dad’s natural environment.
“G’day my darling girl” shouts the old man, a 5.5 foot house painter from Betoota Ponds, sitting at a bar table full of his almost identical mates and their almost identical wives – including her mum
“Why’d ya bring a bamboo shoot ya brought with ya?
“You been cleaning the gutters?”
The crowd roars with laughter before Tina or Billy can even say a word.
Billy, a man that backs himself with an acid comeback, bites his tongue until he can get a better gague of the old man’s ego.
Tina gets on the front foot to defend her gangly new boyfriend.
“Really funny dad. This is Billy, I told you I was bringing him”
Tina’s mum pipes up.
“Oh he’s just being a monster isn’t he!” she says.
“Never mind him, Billy. Lovely to meet you”
The old man, who now seems overexcited that his daughter has brought home a bloke who doesn’t fire shots back at his shit chat, attempts to mend the social tensions.
“Yeah don’t mind me young fella, just having a laugh”
“Haha. Yeah I was going to say. Who’s the garden nome throwing chat in the TAB” he roars.
The entire pub goes quiet, including the bartender. Billy thinks he may have well and truly come in too strong.
The terrifying silence finally ends with a thunder clap of laughter from the entire venue, including the eavesdropping strangers who are now invested in this milestone moment.
The old man is forced to have a chuckle as well.
“Yeah ya got me. You’ll keep, Billy”
“How’d you get here”
“Don’t tell me you’re making my darling girl catch a bus”
Billy reassures him that he does indeed have his license.
“Oh yeah?” says the old man, as he begins a meticulous interrogation of his daughter’s new boyfriend’s manhood.
“What do you drive”
Billy, now foolishly convinced that he has this social situation wrapped around his pinkie, says too much.
“Yeah just got the Hyundai out front”
“2014. But it’s a Santa Fe”
The entire pub goes quiet again, waiting for a punchline. It never comes.
“Well” says the deflated father.
“There you go”
“Can I shout you a drink”
…. “What do ya drink!?”