LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
In things you may not have thought about in absolute yonks, it has been confirmed that Halal Certification is no longer the number one concern for local rednecks following a few years of genuine drama.
One of the hot-button topics of 2014, Halal Certification was a major issue for Australians that thought a picture of a ute with fishing gear represented them best.
For this fringe group of obsessive A Current Affair viewers, they believed that Halal Certification was funding terrorist groups such as ISIL under the guise of helping Muslim people know if their food was prepared in accordance to their religious beliefs.
This brigade of anti-halalists fought against the pre-woke keyboard warriors by constantly berating brands on social media for being halal certified, even companies who produce meat-free products.
However, after a few full on years where life constantly changed and 6.5 million people died, those former anti-halalists now seem to give much less of a shit about what 3.2% of Australians are having for dinner and more about supporting their local UAP member.
“Oh halal, I remember that,” stated one former anti-halalists as if he was remembering an old friend.
“We used to have big rallies against that shit, we used to wear these southern cross balaclavas.”
“This was back before we realised all face covering was wrong. People forget burqas were the first face masks that we protested against.”
Our reporting team then asked the anonymous redneck what issues he cared about these days before remembering they would rather stick a fish hook through their respective genitals and left to do as such.
MORE TO COME.