This one is personal for me. And I trust that my fellow AirBnB Hosts can find value in the tradecraft I offer up here. Tradecraft I’ve honed through trial and painstaking error.

What are the best ways to punish guests who fail to carry out your outrageous demands? Well, you’ll know which guests are the ones you’ll need to punish.

They’ll be the ones who complain prior to their arrival that your arduous key collection system is ‘frustrating’.

They’ll be the ones that take an hour to respond to your incessant texting throughout their stay. They’ll be the ones that have the audacity to question you when you remind them via email and telephone call on their last night of holiday that:

  • All bins to be taken out kerbside.
  • Sheets to be washed, ironed, folded.
  • New sheets to be purchased, washed, ironed, folded.
  • Carpet to be steam cleaned.
  • Cash tip for accommodation services rendered to be left on kitchen bench.
  • Check out strictly 6 am. Every minute after 6 am, penalty of $100 applies.
  • Failure to carry out these basic tasks – $500 penalty applies.
    If you don’t trust these guests to have the common decency to do what you ask, then go to your property and wait for them to leave. As soon as they’re out the door, race up to check that yep – of course – they haven’t done enough to appease you.

Race back down and carry out any one of these 3 justified punishments:

CAR JACKING – Life is harder without their precious vehicle. Follow them to the key return point. Once they’ve parked, jack the car, take it down to the nearest salvage yard and get whatever you can for it. Cash is king.

HACK THEIR PERSONAL DATA – Their putrid behaviour is going to haunt you so a justifiable punishment is one that haunts them. Pay a cybercriminal to hack their personal data and sell it on the dark web. They’ll be suffering the consequences of that for years the pricks.

CUT THEM – Chase them down on foot. Find the ring leader (usually a dad or a mum) and cut them so they never forget what they did to you. You’ll be doing a service for the next poor AirBnB host that has to deal with them.

As a member of the elite landowning class of hotelier, you are within your special rights to punish others.


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