A local man-child is cursing the plight of sustainability today after struggling to polish off a milkshake over his lunch break.

After spending the first few hours of his day managing spreadsheets for a financial advisory firm, local big unit Jacob Rigsdale (37) decided that he’d spice up his Tuesday by indulging in maxi sized ‘Tim Tam Slam’ from the Milky Bar Kid juice joint in Betoota Mall.

Having spent his morning struggling to break through a Bacon & Egg Roll induced brain fog, Jacob decided that a one litre blended frappe of milk, ice cream and Tim Tam remnants might be the best fuel to charge his afternoon.

However as he struggled to gurgle down the brain-freeze inducing dairy connection, Jacob whined to our reporter that it was completely the straws’ fault.

“These paper straws are useless,” he gasped, giving the paper straw a flick with his chubby fingers in an attempt to dislodge a shard of Tim Tam that was blocking his drinking device.

“Three sips and they’re done!”

Watching as the straw began to disintegrate under the weight of the creamy dairy mixture, Jacob told our reporter that he just wished for the good old days when he could slurp some takeaway through a single-use piece of plastic that would ultimately end up stuck up the nose of an endangered Loggerhead sea turtle.

“I hate these dumb things, they suck!”

When told by our reporter that he could always just act like an adult, put the cup to his mouth with his two free hands and sip the beverage, Jason appeared pretty riled up at the suggestion that a milkshake at midday was maybe a little childish.

“Whatever mate, go order a Green tea in your KeepCup if you’re going to get on your high horse.”

“Here take this dumb straw with you!”


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