LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Lovers of Japan are in high spirits today as it has been confirmed any questions about the 3000-year-old culture can be answered by your co-worker Keaton who went to Japan two years ago.
Keaton was recently sworn in as a Japanese culture expert during the painstaking period of office pre-lunch where everyone is asking each other what sad excuses for leftovers they will be eating today.
Co-worker Karen had brought in sushi and was halfway through opening her wasabi sachet before Keaton used the knowledge he acquired from his three weeks in Japan to let her know her smoked salmon sushi may not be authentic.
“Real wasabi should not be green,” stated Keaton as he swirled a mineral water.
“And it should be cut with a sharkskin grater, like the one I got from that boutique forgery.”
Aside from his Lonely Planet level wasabi knowledge, Keaton is also qualified to answer any questions relating to Japanese public transport, restaurant etiquette and the economic implications of the upcoming Tokyo Olympic Games.
“Tokyo is a very busy city. At least it was when I was there, so the Olympics should be interesting. I’ll be going for Australia and Japan.”
Although his knowledge of the ancient archipelago is as mighty as Mount Fuji itself, acquaintances are advised to avoid the topic of Japanese tattoos unless they want to help Keaton take his shirt off and compliment the expensive way he chose to mutilate his entire back.
“It’s of Shogun Azuma. Do you know what the shogun is? There’s some manga I can recommend if you’re interested.”