ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
After spending most of the yesterday afternoon browsing the many news websites on offer around the world, Dennis Mignon was convinced the world was going to end.
A nuclear holocaust, he thought, was going to turn him into ash while he slept last night.
But alas, much to his own horror, the 27-year-old legal professional woke up this morning feeling nothing but a bit thirsty and hungry.
“I thought we are all doomed – at least that’s what every news website in the country would have you believe,” he said.
“So when I went to sleep last night, I honestly expected to be warmed in the night by the blanket of nuclear fallout. But no, there I was a 6:30 this morning, lying in my bed, alive,”
“This morning I sent an email to news.com.au and the rest of all those other glorified sponsored content providers and gave them a piece of my fucking mind. You can scare people like that and expect to get away with it.”
Just as shocked as Mr Mignon was a local TAFE college professor, who explained to The Advocate that despite growing up under the constant nuclear threat from Russia, he was still convinced he was going to die last night.
Mr Alexander Dick, a quite knowledgeable man that works at the exclusive South Betoota TAFE college, said that in all the years he spent worried about Russia, it pales in comparison to the fear Kim Jong-un has put in him.
“It’s crazy,” he said.
“I’ve literally read every article in every paper about this whole North Korean thing and they all say that we might as well try and blow ourselves one more time because this is it,”
“We’re all going to die. It’s just a question of when.”
More to come.