CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Off-duty thoughts and prayers came to the rescue on this morning in middle America, after an extremist neo-nazi began shooting indiscriminately at a crowd of innocent people in a public place.
According to Fox News, 28-year-old Wyatt Maga tried to rush past security at the door of prominent shopping centre while shouting about declining birth rates of white children and race-mixing.
Nearby off-duty thoughts and prayers immediately sprung into action, apprehending the man in an extremely violent display of curative problem-solving without any discussion of gun control.
According to police who were close, but not close enough to stop the incident, Mr Maga was armed with a completely legal military-grade semi-automatic which is capable of taking down helicopters.
While the gunman is a self-confessed extremist white nationalist with dangerous political beliefs that were born out of the populist 2016 Trump election campaign and subsequent presidency, The White House says they do not believe the shooting was politically motivated
Several off-duty thoughts and prayers from another county were nearby, and were able to disarm him before he was able to fire his weapon in the name of his own brand of extremist politics that are exactly in-line with the shit his President says at political rallies every second day. They then took him into custody with some assistance from another thought and prayer at the popular shopping, which is located on the main street in the heart of downtown Middle America.
The off-duty thoughts and prayers have been praised as saviours, with onlookers saying that there would have been a lot of dead people if it wasn’t for their presence.
The incident has renewed calls for Donald Trump to provide more resources to Homeland Security’s special Thoughts and Prayers unit, which was formed in late 2016 in response to all of the mass shootings being perpetrated by inconveniently white conservative losers.
While Donald Trump says he has no problem in increasing the amount of thoughts and prayers in American cities, he has also flagged further militarisation of the Warmest Sympathies And Spree Shooting Response Bureau.
