After two years of closed borders due to the pandemic, it seems Australia’s recent climate-changed aided weather patterns are doing very little to encourage wide-eyed young foreigners back to our shores.

Whether they are ustudents that come from disgustingly wealthy Oligarch families that pay one of our universities $250,000 in cash for an undergraduate degree, or they make up our working class farm-slaves from the Peaky Blinder part of England… Right now, the beaches and marsupials of Australia aren’t really worth the 23 hour flight, let alone the 3 months picking fruit for some slave master out the back of Shepparton.

That’s because the latest 6 weeks of rainfall in the Eastern states has seen Sydney surpass its annual rainfall average of 1213.4mm in just the first three months of 2022.

The excited wanderlust that sparkled in the eyes of Sydney’s backpackers is no longer there. The once picturesque beaches are now covered in microplastics dragged back from floods and king tides – and the weather is fucking shit.

So shit, in fact that it reminds the average pommy backpacker of their home. Be that Dublin or London or Glasgow.

the relentless icicle raindrops that have been pounding Australia’s most international city for the last few months have reallyy dampened the aspirations of Sydney’s unskilled visa overstayers.

More than 100mm of rain has fallen on Sydney in the past 24 hours, as millions face an ongoing major weather event across New South Wales today and tomorrow.

According to the Bureau of Meteorology, the mean average of rain for April, from measurements taken between 1858 and 2020, is 126.5mm.

With a months worth of rain in one night, and a years worth of rain in 6 weeks, backpackers are starting to realise they wouldve probably still gotten more sunshine if they were still living with their parents in their grey industrial hometowns.

Ah mean, we dinnae ways complain aboot th’ waither” says South Bondi-based lollypop lady, Ava MacGregor (22)

“Bit we dae whin we spent oor savings trying tae esceep the rain”

As Ava and her 7 housemates point out, if they wanted to live in a cold rainy shit hole, they woulda stayed home in Glasgow where the streets don’t flood and pubs stay open past 10pm.

“Bondi is basically glescae bit th’ roads ur cut aff ‘n’ th’ boozers ae shite”

“They pokie contraptions pure murdurr th’ mood”


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