WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The Betoota University School of Science has released some interesting research today, confirming that an expensive takeaway juice on a Monday morning can have serious restorative effects.
In a world first, researchers at the faculty have revealed today that an overpriced but freshly made fruit juice from a local cafe can entirely negate the effects of a dozen alcoholic drinks from the weekend.
The Chief Scientist Imogen Anthony explained to The Advocate this morning that the new findings could have a major impact on the way people recover from a weekend of first world hedonism.
“After a lengthy and detailed study of nearly a 1000 patients, we discovered that by purchasing a juice nearly equivalently priced to a lunchtime meal, your body will automatically be cleansed of all of the toxins and shit you put into it in the form of alcohol,” Anthony said.
“It really is that easy, just take away freshly squeezed juice and you are no longer running at a deficit.”
“If you are really keen, throw in an Acai bowl and you can pretty much forget what you did to your poor body and sleep easy at night.”
Anthony did explain however that a $3 juice from a supermarket just wouldn’t cut it, unfortunately.
“No, not even the super healthy looking ones with chunks and stuff in it,” she said.
“It’s got to be those expensive ones from a cafe that are pretty much the same thing, but in a takeaway cup.