ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Last October, Jack Stickson was in Europe after buying a ticket over there just six days before he was due to depart.
He’s started three different university degrees and finished none of them, thus far.
Those two examples are a small selection of shocking personal and financial decisions the 25-year-old has made during his quarter century on this hell rock, however, a decision he made today may have eclisped every poor choice he’s ever made.
“I bought a Jeep,” he laughed.
“Everyone told me not too but I’ve always wanted one. It’s brand new, too. The salesman gave me the ‘deal of a lifetime’ he said,”
“It’s on like a 60-month plan. I was able to lock in a 40% balloon payment, which is great and I only had to put down $500 as a deposit. Win-win if you ask me. It’s the same as my rent each week, so it’s actually pretty cheap when you think about it.”
Jack said his father almost fainted when he came home and parked it in the driveway, saying he’d find the bloke who sold it to me and snap his fingers off.
But he said it was his mates’ reaction that really hurt the most.
“They’ve been bagging me non-stop,” he sighed.
“My mate Max was like, ‘Why the fuck did you buy a Jeep Grand Japoly, you sucked-mango-looking fuck?’ and it turns out he wasn’t joking. He said that Jeeps are lemons and only drug dealers and dead shits buy them,”
“Another mate, Artie, said he’d rather get the bus than risk his life riding in a Detroit Dodgem Car. As if they only have a one-star safety rating, that’s fake news. The bottom line is is that I’m happy and that’s all that matters.”
Neither Max or Artie would go on the record saying they made fun of Jack but did confirm that it is their opinion that Jeeps are appalling cars for people who don’t know any better.
That is also the opinion of The Advocate.
More to come.