JAMIE HOTTAKE | Correct Opinion | Contact

If you’re reading this it’s 2019. Congrats, I guess.

By the time you are reading this I will be inside my bunker where I have contained myself with enough tins of chickpeas to see me through until inequality is eventually solved by a culturally diverse team of drag queens.

I know this year is going to be tough for everyone except for straight white men like me, which is why I will be keeping my opinions out of discourse to make sure the voices of the marginalized are heard without me interrupting to say that I agree.

I won’t be completely alone however: I Am Malala, Fight Like A Girl and the Where’s Wally Bumper Book will keep me company within my cocoon from which I hope to emerge into a world that has learnt everything about suffering as I have already done.

But I doubt it because the world is a v oppressive place and 2019 is set to be the most problematic year on record.

That is why I will not be attending.

If you are a cisgender white male with a penchant for women’s breasts do humanity a favour and hit not attend on the party that is 2019.

I know there will be some major FOMO but if you are honestly considering opening up your problematic lips in 2019 then maybe you’ve forgotten what year it is because you were too busy ignoring your own privilege while rewatching How i Met Your Mother.

Now, some of you might feel personally attacked by what I said. That’s good because I hate you. Fuck you.

Jamie Hottake is a cisgender white male who is in the process of transitioning into a mysterious silent type with what can kindly be described as mixed results. He is the creator of party card game ‘Humans Against Humanity’ where guest take turns saying why they make the world a worse place and no points are awarded.


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