The latest Newspoll, released just moments before last night’s noisy leaders debate, shows Anthony Albanese is still somehow closing in on Scott Morrison as preferred Prime Minister – after a week of feral mudslinging from both the Coalition PR machines and the Murdoch/Costello media duopoly.

With early voting open today, these numbers could spell a ‘death knell’ for the current Prime Minister, that is assuming that polls mean anything in this day and age.

With no major policy announcements to come, the campaign now rests on who the voters prefer most as a leader – and the data shows that Morrison has been unable to overcome the shift in public sentiment that followed his cowardly decision to hide away in a Hawaiian resort during the bushfires.

If the latest Newspoll is to be believed, Labor is dominating as two party preferred winner at 54/46 – two points better than they were a week ago.

Scotty From Marketing’s inability to make amends with the Australian people is now starting to look like it could cause generational damage to the Coalition.

In the more urban Liberal seats, Morrison’s trendy backbencher’s are haemorrhaging votes to the teal Independents who are appealing to affluent voters that are repulsed by Scotty’s brash pentecostal arrogance.

This unexpected blow to the Moderates is now causing such great concern that Scotty is being ordered by his own MPs to stay the fuck away from North Sydney and the Eastern Suburbs – and instead focus his energy and resources on the battlefield of working class marginal electorates that are still hurting from the pandemic.

However, another lesser-acknowledged victim of Scott Morrison’s unlikability is their little brothers in the National Party, all of whom are now sitting ducks for Labor on the coast, as well a few rural teal candidates.

So worrying is this trend of public dissent that Nationals leader and Deputy PM Barnaby Joyce has today debuted a ‘campaign akubra’ that is roughly 70% bigger than his usual 40 gallon hat.

“Yeah bloody, bush… and bloody drought mate” said Mr Joyce, doing his best to act like he doesn’t answer to a party made up of suburban happy clappers who loathe rural people.

“We are the bush party. MATE”

“Screw these baaaarstaaaards in the city. We’ve got nothin to do with em”

“Also, nobody in Tamworth wants a Federal ICAC. It’s unnecessary”


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