The poor Queenslanders who have found themselves stuck in the dreary caliphate of Melbourne are reeling fish out of the Yarra river with a bit more pep today.

It comes as Queensland’s Chief Health Officer Dr Jeannette Young is said to be considering allowing Victorians into the sunshine state from December 1, saying she was “optimistic”.

The news that the Queensland Premier is open to the idea of allowing Victoria passage into the Sunshine State before Sydney has been received well by the very few expats waiting for the word to book flights.

Local grain trader, Mungo Willis (33) says he hates fucking going to Melbourne at the best of times, but he really regrets coming down here to see a few buyers back in Joo-lye.

As one of the ‘Dirty Thirty’ Queenslanders who have been stigmatised as unclean Covid-carriers, Mungo says he hopes two weeks with no new cases is enough to speed up Palaszczuk’s decision.

“Felt like I was back in Dirranbandi with a flat tyre and a broken two-way” growls Mungo.

“I’ve never felt this isolated in all me life”

While Mungo was lucky enough to find some sharehouse accomodation in Fitzroy with a couple of Jobkeepered baristas, he says after 115 days in lockdown, you kind of grow tired of huffing nangs and smoking DMT

“Just get me out of here” he says.

“The fish I’ve been pulling out of the Yarra are fucken radioactive, and I had to watch Origin at an Italian restaurant the other night”

However, it’s not just the Dirty Thirty excited to get out of dodge.

The Toorak-based land-owning class of Noosa are also ecstatic to get back to hastings street.

“Twelve weeks without any gelato, darling” says one local cardboard heiress Elsa Smorgallieu (45).

“Portsea is alright, but it gets chilly down there in all linen”

Meanwhile, thirty-two local government areas in Sydney are being treated as COVID-19 hotspots, despite very low cases of coronavirus within the community. This overzealous ruling is heartbreaking for the thousands of Brissy girls who moved to Bondi because they want to try their luck in ‘a big city’.

Queensland is still all good.


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