The President of The United States of America has today taken some time off from golf to tie up a few loose ends.

Speaking from the Whitehouse, where he is very much not a lame-duck President, Trump has followed through on a pre-election promise and fired Dr. Anthony Fauci.

In his place, Trump is reportedly set to appoint noted infections disease expert, self-accredited scientist, dietician, and life coach Pete Evans.

Dr Fauci, the country’s leading infectious-disease expert who is director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, had previously taken issue with Trump’s handling of the crisis and been outspoken about how poorly the US was placed to deal with the virus going forward.

However, while he was a highly respected member of the national task force to deal with Covid-19, he has been told to pack up his desk before the end of the week.

“I have spoken to Pete, and he has agreed to take on the job,” explained the outgoing President.

“He has great qualifications. The perfect qualifications for the job. And he’ll make a great doctor for us.”

“In my next term as President. Because I won, if you count the legal votes, which we will force them to do.”

Pete Evans was understandably available for comment, because he can’t go a month without trying to see his name in print, and said he was very much looking forward to the job.

“I’ll be telling them to call off any push for a vaccine as soon as I get there. Scrap that, vaccines are out,” he laughed to us.

“Instead, I’ll be ordering a hundred million special 15 grand light machines to cure the Covid,” he continued.

“It’s exciting. I’m glad the President has finally engaged a truther,” he laughed.


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