Prime Minister is reportedly feeling quite worried this week that he won’t be able to get his party’s new $158 billion income tax cut package across the line, after not being afforded the right kind of divine guidance by the ‘vanilla’ Uniting Church chaplain at Parliament House.

Mr Morrison says while he appreciates “all the wine and wafers yada yada” – he’s just not sure he’s making the right connection with God ahead of his big week in Parliament.

“Where’s the electric guitar?” he whispers to his wife, Jenny.

“They certainly do things differently in The Shire. Where’s the eft-pos machines”

“Where’s the show of support for Israel Folau?

“This doesn’t feel right, Jenny. This doesn’t feel like Church at all”

On top of Morrison’s lack of religious support in these trying times, he is also acutely aware of his lack of support from the cross-bench and his Labor rivals.

Once again the government is being held ransom by the matriarchal lino-floor feminist from Burnie, Independent Senator Jaqui Lambie, who says she won’t be voting for shit until she reads every single word of the new tax proposal.

Labor’s opponents to Morrison’s new tax bill say their concerns come from the news that the Reserve Bank of Australia has cut interest rates to a record low one percent on Tuesday, the second rate cut in two months, in what the central bank hopes will stimulate the economy amid slowing domestic growth – which could arguably be a result of the lack of decent economic policy that comes with three wildly dysfunctional Liberal governments in five years.

While some of the more seasoned Liberal MPs are blaming an uncooperative Labor Party, for now Morrison says it’s got a lot to do with this half-arsed church service.

“Why are all the hymns so boring” he says.

“Where is the cool chaplain with bleached white teeth and a smoking hot wife?”


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