The Nation

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Realising he will probably die due to his own environmental negligence before he receives an apology from China, Prime Minister Scott Morrison believes he has just the plan to de-escalate tensions between Australia and China. In a press conference today Mr Morrison announced Australia would be sending a comedian of Chinese heritage to Beijing to delight the People’s Congress...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT 5,000 soldiers have been deployed to Fraser Island to assist with the firefighting on the island made of sand. 10,000 members of the army reserves are speculated to join the firefighting efforts on the island, as Prime Minister Scott Morrison insists we have to throw everything we can at these horrific fires. “What! We gotta do something! I’ll hold a...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A city IT worker told The Advocate this afternoon that when he was on the bus coming to town this morning, he wasn't wearing a mask and because of that, he could feel this old codger wearing one giving him the old stink eye. Marcus, a 28-year-old full-time live-at-home son from Betoota Heights, says there's...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights father of four parked his arse on the Natuzzi this morning to watch the news, where after a few minutes he loudly declared that the "fucking yanks" just don't give a fuck about this coronavirus anymore. "Two hundred thousand new cases!" yelled Arthur Bradley up the hall towards his hamily. "These stupid bastards...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Local Betoota Downs meat merchant, Franky Russo, has been asked to provide evidence to an independent inquiry set up to investigate damning accusations directed towards his family owned butcher shop. The Rural Australian Butcher Industry Equal Standards watchdog, more commonly known as RABIES, has called upon the 40-year-veteran to halt all further trade until the allegations have been...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Local Betoota Downs meat merchant, Franky Russo, has been asked to provide evidence to an independent inquiry set up to investigate damning accusations directed towards his family owned butcher shop. The Rural Australian Butcher Industry Equal Standards watchdog, more commonly known as RABIES, has called upon the 40-year-veteran to halt all further trade until the allegations have been...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Despite playing football at the brown paperbag club, socks down country boy Angus Critchon has been questioned once again by the NSW Police Asian Crime gang over allegations he's a member of the Australian yakuza. Yazuka members often have part of their pinky finger removed as punishment for indiscretions. Both of Mr Critchon's pinky fingers...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has laughed off suggestion that they've rushed through the spicy flu jab, telling journalists today in London that he's taken the recently-greenlit innoculation and he feels "fighting fit". Speaking to the media, Mr Johnson attempted to ignore the blood trickling from his ears, eyes and mouth. "I will answer the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Prime Minister Scott Morrison opened his morning press conference today with four repeated words as China moves their bishops out into the centre of the board. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" said Scott. "They've ruined Christmas." Overnight, the China Trade Commission slapped an export ban on fake plastic dog shit and whoopie cushions. Both of which are Santa...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The final frontier of Australian true-crime drama is about to be reached as a teledrama surrounding the Port Arthur Massacre has entered production. From murders to rapes, frauds to tax evasion. This country loves a good true-crime drama but for some reason, a line in the sands of good taste has been crossed. "Making a movie...