The Nation

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Fireys are being shipped across from Bundaberg to battle a massive bushfire that has been burning out of control for six weeks on Fraser Island. This comes as Australia marches through yet another record-breaking heat wave, following the hottest November on record. On Tuesday, the Queensland Government issued a "prepare to leave" warning for guests at the Kingfisher Bay...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A young man from our town's Heights District, who describes himself as a slave to capitalism, said he's happy all his problems can be traced back to China. Dexter Bradley, a 28-year-old fast-food worker, explained to The Advocate this afternoon that the fake bogan who magically appears on his television each night said China...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "You'd have to be fucked in the head to eat one of those," she said. "Like proper fucking. Nothing inside your head but a bunch of pigeons flying into windows. White dog shit all over the floor." Angie Heath and her partner Rob Coleman were walking the aisles of the Development Road Ampol this morning looking...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Prime Minister Scott Morrison is demanding the New South Wales Government delete a "repugnant" energy policy attacking the fossil fuel industry. Last Friday, the New South Wales voted to build 12 gigawatts of clean energy, which is double the current national renewable capacity. Mr Morrison said the Government had reached out to the New South Wales...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A French Quarter homme who gets forced to go places by the people who care about him has opened his fourth conversation today with the same seemingly obvious observation. "Gez, it's pretty hot today," said Peter Stephen, who joined our reporter this afternoon at a Machattie Park BBQ for our mutual friend, Jenna. Our reporter nodded...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The defacto leader of Western Australia, Mark McGowan, has ordered the Tusken Raiders protecting the border to stand down at midnight on December 8. McGowan ordered the borders open after news that the virus has been vanquished in the East finally reaches the sand-swept territories to the West. However, McGowan was quick to remind the...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT The Chinese Government appears to be holding strong against Australian Prime Minister's demands for an apology over a doctored photo posted by a Communist Party official. The photo, blasted as "repugnant" by the Prime Minister, had been altered to depict an Australian soldier holding a knife to the throat of a child atop the Australian and Afghanistan...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact With Christmas just around the corner, a local sexagenarian was wondered to himself if getting a ham this early in the year is a bit too gluttonous. Keith Cobe, of Rainbow Road in Betoota Heights, thought to himself as he shopped in føtex, in our town's Little Copenhagen district, about getting a pre-Christmas ham just...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT South Betoota Polytechnic's Vice-Chancellor has today had a slightly uncomfortable moment. Stemming from sheer red-blooded arousal, the moment came after Jonathan Taylor saw photos of international students landing in Darwin this morning. The arrival of the 63 international students, the first since everything locked down, comes as Charles Darwin University brokered an agreement to begin getting the tertiary...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact China has doubled down and placed huge tarriffs on Australian winemakers today, sending many producers to the brink. Local producers of brain varnish are now scrambling to find new markers for their products. One local winemaker, Doug Holland from One Tree Road Wines out on the Diamantina Development Road, said he hopes domestic markets will step...