ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

China has doubled down and placed huge tarriffs on Australian winemakers today, sending many producers to the brink.

Local producers of brain varnish are now scrambling to find new markers for their products.

One local winemaker, Doug Holland from One Tree Road Wines out on the Diamantina Development Road, said he hopes domestic markets will step in to fill the void left by China’s departure from the market.

“We produce bitch diesel, brain varnish, Jesus Juice and Lady Petrol,” said Holland.

“And a lot of it has been going to China. Now that we can’t send our wine there without paying those extortionate tarriffs, we need to find new markets,”

“There’s probably going to be quite a glut. There probably won’t be a better time to varnish your brain in Australia than this summer. There will be cheap wine everywhere,”

“So help out our winemakers this summer and pick yourself up a longneck of chardonnay or whatever before every social engagment.”

More to come.


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