Sports

Cummins Says Langer Had To Go Because He Rejects The Science Behind Recycling

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Test captain Pat Cummins has broken his silence over the resignation of coach Justin Langer this afternoon, telling reporters in Sydney that they had a clash in ideology. The blue-eyed Blue Mountaineer said Langer didn't believe in recycling and wouldn't hear discussion on the matter, demanding that when the team was at training, they focused...

Winter Olympics Reject Claims That 90% Of Their Events Were Only Invented In The Last Few Years

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT The third day of competition at the Beijing 2022 Winter Olympics is underway, in a region of China not commonly known for hosting stoner whiteboys who are sponsored by energy drink companies. However, as exciting as it is to watch grown adults break the sound barrier with limited control of their own fate, the Winter Olympics Committee are...

Australian Open Crowd Behaviour Suggests Melbourne Still Quite Fucked In The Head From Lockdowns

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Rafael Nadal has shocked the world by coming back from injury to claw a five-set victory in the Australian Open men's final overnight. Nadal defeated Daniil Medvedev in a 5-and-a-half hour spectacular at the sweltering Rod Laver Arena, finishing up The Spaniard initially sat behind the Russian two sets to love, before forcing his 35-year-old self back into the...

Kyrgios And Kokkinakis Begin To Channel Their Inner ‘Papous Playing Backgammon’ Competitiveness

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Australia's 'Greek Freaks' have put on a show at Rod Laver Arena this afternoon, as Nick Kyrgios smashes another racquet in a heated moment of raw competitive rage against Granollers and Zeballos. Kyrgios very unhappy with fans yelling out during his serve, which is understandable given how very annoying the crowds have been at this year's Australian Open. However,...

Homeschooling QLD Dad Ditches Mainstream Curriculum For 5000 Words On 2006-2013 Origin Dynasty

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT As Queenslanders wait for the state government to release a return-to-school plan, there has been a two-week delay to face-to-face classes to avoid opening during the peak of the Omicron wave. Around the state, thousands of Queensland families are ditching classrooms for homeschooling, with a 54 per cent increase since five years ago - a spike that experts...

Australian Open Transports Frydenberg Back To A Time When He Had A Reliable Team Around Him

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian Federal Treasurer and former representative tennis star, Josh Frydenberg MP, has spent the last couple of days reminiscing about that sliding doors moment that saw him put down the tennis racquet and get himself fitted for a overpriced navy suit. The Member For Kooyong made the short trip into Melbourne Park from his electorate office on Sunday, where...

Tony Armstrong Stares Down Teleprompter During Tennis Update Packed With Complex Slavic Surnames

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT Australian sports presenter Tony Armstrong had to size up a formidable lineup this morning, preparing to conquer what can only be described as the most intimidating sports report on the planet. Packed with an assembly of Slavic names that would break the jaw of many unprepared journalists, it’s understood the popular ABC News breakfast presenter was ready...

Mum Regrets Getting Up To Quickly Check The Spag Bol After Missing Barty’s Rapid 2nd Set

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In another blink and you miss it moment, local superstar Ash Barty has moved into the quarter-finals of the Australian Open. The World Number 1 swept aside American up and comer Anna Anisimova in straight sets, marking her fourth consecutive comfortable victory of the tournament. She previously dispatched of 30th seed Camilla Giorgi 6-2, 6-3, Italian Bronzetti 6-1,...

“Just Shut The Fuck Up About It” Says Serbian Mate

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Serbian-Australian Zivvy Nikolic (32) hasn't been this filthy since it looked like Croatia were going to win the last FIFA World Cup. It's been 24 hours since his sporting idol was deported from Australia after a messy fortnight of political grandstanding from Prime Minister Morrison, and Zivvy's Eastern European blood is still running hot. However, just like in 2018,...

Djokovic Returns With A Fedora And Electric Guitar As He Seeks Ambitious New Hillsong Exemption

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Australian Prime Minister, Scotty From Marketing, says Novak Djokovic was deported because he tried to breach entry rules at the border, even though immigration minister Alex Hawke did not dispute the tennis star’s belief he had a valid medical exemption. After nearly a fortnight of appeals and injunctions, the Serbian tennis player boarded an Emirates flight from Melbourne...

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