As Queenslanders wait for the state government to release a return-to-school plan, there has been a two-week delay to face-to-face classes to avoid opening during the peak of the Omicron wave.

Around the state, thousands of Queensland families are ditching classrooms for homeschooling, with a 54 per cent increase since five years ago – a spike that experts says has been triggered by the pandemic.

Local Betoota Heights dad, Karl Seeney (42) says his recent transition from laid off auctioneer to unqualified primary school teacher has been far smoother than he expected.

Especially since he started detracting from the State Government’s curriculum.

The way Karl looks at it, this virus is going to fuck off at some point, and when it does his kids will be back in the classroom to learn from the professionals.

That’s not to say he isn’t a professional, but yeah, they’ve got plenty of time to learn their times tables when school returns.

“I thought we may as well focus on the important shit… While they’ve got me here” says Karl.

With their mum at work in the hospital, the kids, Bobby, Stella and Teddy (5,6,7), are now being treated to a crash course in the glorious era of rugby league dominance that was the eight-in-a-row Queensland State Of Origin dynasty.

“Okay!” he tells the kids.

“I want 5000 words on an individual Maroon. Billy, you are on Cameron Smith. Stella, you’ve got Johnathan Thurston. Teddy I want you to focus on Darius. Where were they born? How did they find their way into the NRL?”

“What is their favourite food? What pub do they drink at”

“The info is out there, students. This is what I want you working on today and for homework tonight. The essays must be bound and submitted”

“Tomorrow we’ll be focusing on Paul Gallen’s 2013 coward punch on Nate Myles. How did the ban on closed fists ruin the on-field momentum of Origin and ultimately ended Queensland’s decade of dominance.”


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