Local Girl Desperate For A Drink Made To Choose Between Mate Who Picks Fights Or The Drunk Crier
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
As Louise Wilson stares down the barrel of a boring weekend, she finds herself making a very difficult decision - to stay home and watch Netflix all night like an old person, or risk a very drama-filled night if she reaches out to one of two people she knows will be free.
It really is quite the predicament.
Why...
Nations Dads Celebrate As Salad Crisis Inspires Return Of A Weekly Family Potato Bake
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
Dad’s around the nation are rejoicing this week, as the fresh food crisis inspires the return of a family favourite.
After years of being served various forms of salad including Greek, Caesar and the often panned ‘Garden’ variety, Australia’s fathers are reportedly loving the return of potato bakes on the weeknight dinner schedule.
A cuisine constructed by the...
Woman Who Opted For A Caesar Salad To Be Healthy Demands Boyfriend Orders Chips
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactLocal woman Cassidy Saunders has this week made the executive decision to stop eating shit and get on the health train, in the hopes that come festival time, she’ll be ripped, tan and ready to twerk to Megan Thee Stallion.
After joining up at a private gym that cost way too much a week (which Cassidy figured would prompt...
Corporate Drone Tries To Raise His Street Cred By Constantly Mentioning Past Life As A Bartender
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local accountant has revealed he may be harbouring some insecurities about having the most boring job on earth by yet again bringing up the short stint he had as a bartender in 2008.
Josh Waterford was enjoying some pale ale in the pub when the opportunity to flex his street cred came up, as one of his...
Dog Displays Rare Self Awareness By Casting Hesitant Look Towards Owner Before Rolling In Puddle
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact“Don’t you fucking dare you little bastard.”
Tim sighs. He knows it’s futile. The temptation is too strong, especially for a dog as hedonistic as Ollie.
But still, surely he wouldn’t risk it with his owner standing by the doorway watching?
Tim crosses his arms to appear more intimidating.
“OLLIE. NO.”
That’s the tricky thing with dogs and the rain. You either let...
Sister’s New BF About To Learn This Family Doesn’t Take Kindly To Shirtless Hunks In The Kitchen
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
There were muffled sneers coming from the kitchen table at the Ronin household in Betoota's Flight Path District this morning, after family's youngest daughter Katie debuted her new boyfriend of 8 months.
As one of the four adult Ronin kids living at home due to the housing crisis, Katie (19) has decided it's time to bite the bullet and...
Psych Student Staring Up At Mouldy Ceiling Unsure If She Sees A Bat Or A Rotisserie Chicken
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Polytechnic psychology student has found herself the unwitting recipient of a Rorschach test this afternoon, after the black mould that had been growing on her ceiling mysteriously quadrupled in size overnight and took on a strange and unworldly shape.
Phoebe Waters is said to have been lying in her bed with a mysterious sniffle when she...
Mother In Law Who Strong Armed Her Way Into Delivery Room Now Insists On Being First To Hold Baby
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA mother in law who managed to wrangle her way into the delivery room with promises that she would ‘behave herself’, has unfortunately not stuck to her word, managing to become a nuisance within minutes of entering.
Sue Hanneman is said to have effectively guilted her daughter in law Jen into letting her become a spectator during one...
Parents Who Gifted Teen A Guitar Rewarded With Hearing Smoke On The Water Riff For Seven Hours A Day
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Heights couple who’ve been nothing but supportive of their son’s dreams of becoming the next Jimi Hendrix (without the drug addiction) have unfortunately been punished for their efforts, as they’re now forced to hear the same fucking guitar riff for seven hours a day.
Gifting Jason a electric guitar they’d purchased for a hundred bucks from a...
Woman Who’s An ‘Old Soul’ Really Just Forced To Take On Everyone’s Emotional Baggage As A Child
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman who has mentioned being an old soul on more than one occasion has found herself having a very interesting chat with a psychologist this morning, who revealed that maybe, just maybe, Abbey Murphy had matured a little bit too fast in her formative years due to environmental pressures.
As they’d unpacked a few pivotal childhood memories...
