EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

Local woman Cassidy Saunders has this week made the executive decision to stop eating shit and get on the health train, in the hopes that come festival time, she’ll be ripped, tan and ready to twerk to Megan Thee Stallion.

After joining up at a private gym that cost way too much a week (which Cassidy figured would prompt her to actually go), she’s now doubled down with her eating habits, including what she orders when she goes out.

However, the exercise part has surprisingly proved to be much easier than changing her diet, especially as she finds herself in a pub setting at least twice a week, including her Tuesday night ‘two for one’ parmi night trivia.

It’s alleged this week’s trip to the Clock Hotel has been quite the test for her will power, as she finds herself eying off everyone’s pub meals arriving one by one.

“Um, I guess I’ll get the caesar salad?”, says Cassidy glumly, knowing that she’ll be paying $18 for a shadow of a meal.

Her boyfriend, Tim, says he might switch things up a bit and get some bangers and mash, which doesn’t appear to go down well with Cassidy.

“Oh.”

“Can you order the parmi and chips instead? With a side of pepper sauce?”

Cassidy was later seen demolishing both her salad and the every last one of Tim’s chips, but reckons  it doesn’t count if she doesn’t pay for it herself.

More to come.

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