Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman has this week found herself terrified of being labelled a ‘Karen’, after attempts to get some customer service at Lululemon saw her awkwardly standing in front of the front desk for a solid ten minutes, without any of the staff so much as glancing her way. Speaking to The Advocate, 32 year old Lily Sheffield admits...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local bloke who’s had it up to his ears with all this Taylor Swift mania has made sure to let everyone know about it, by loudly complaining about the singer at any given opportunity. Speaking to our reporter at one of French Quarter’s busiest cafes, The Rusty Trombone, James Haversfield, 36, says he’s haunted by the pop sensation...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman who refuses to believe in generational stereotypes has today outed herself as a daggy millennial, after a end of month presentation today in the office saw her revealing her age. Winona Coogan, 31, is reported to have started a job ‘Scarlet Letter' PR agency roughly one month ago, having decided a year ago that she wanted...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA Central Coast man is researching the benefits of Chinese medicine this week as he looks to cure a bout of crippling back pain. After attending not one, but two Blink 182 concerts over the past week, Nath Pearson (38) of Morisset is planning to lose his acupuncture virginity, in the hopes that it’ll stop the sharp...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactThe bloke in question, Dominic Hynes, 36, is said to have been attending the show with his son when he’d spotted an attractive woman wearing white cowboy boots and a sequin dress, which Swifties will recognise as a costume from part of Swift’s ‘Fearless’ era. Wearing a set of shin swingers himself, which were paired perfectly with a chain...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTLocal Ukrainian-Australian girl Anna Kovalenko (26) has recently had shivers sent down her spine after hearing the Skype ringtone for the first time in years, as she unknowingly caught herself preparing for a 1 hour conversation with grandparents in Ukraine. One of the few good stories to come out of the Covid-19 pandemic was the rise of new innovations,...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTIn a display of cultural confusion, local man David Wu (29) finds himself scratching his head in bewilderment as he grapples with the enigma that is his Irish mate's favorite sport, unsure if it's a legitimate athletic pursuit or merely a fanciful picnic pastime. David met Connor Flanagan (31) several months ago but is still confused about his favourite...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTLocal Swifties around the country are claiming that pop star Taylor Swift’s tour is one of the biggest events in Australian history, seemingly oblivious to local rapper Kerser's final farewell tour a few months ago. Lisa Bracehall (23), whose devotion to Taylor Swift rivals that of the most fervent cult member, took to social media with an enthusiastic proclamation...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Brie cheese has once again proven that it is a true stayer, as a group of local Betoota women learn during their afternoon wine o'clock. Much like the identical and impossible to differentiate cousin, camembert, the brie cheese is recognised for lasting much longer on any charcuterie board than the sun dried tomatoes, salami or even the pesto...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTIn a chilling discovery, local ice bath enthusiast and self-proclaimed stoic Finbar Collins (32) has accidentally outed himself as a psychopath , after revealing that he calls his mum by her first name and not seeing anything wrong with that. Alarm bells began ringing throughout the community after Finbar invited new friend Max Jerome (29)  to a relaxing 12km...