Former Long Term Bachelor Still Stands By His Theory That Doritos With Melted Cheese Is A Respectable Meal
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTIn a bold culinary declaration that has raised some eyebrows, former long-term bachelor Eli Beshire (32) continues to champion his controversial belief that Doritos topped with cheese and chucked in the microwave for 2 minutes constitutes a perfectly respectable meal.
Eli, who recently said farewell to his singleness after getting a long term girlfriend, has long been an advocate...
Bluey Animator Fired For Discreetly Suggesting Bandit And Chilli Have A Cuck Chair
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAn animator for Bluey has been fired this week, as eagle eyed parents watching the hit children’s TV show noticed an addition to Bandit and Chilli’s bedroom that was a little suspicious, prompting a massive debate on X (formerly known as Twitter).
It’s alleged the discussion started when X user Blueyfan786_ posted a tweet remarking that they’d ‘never noticed...
Male Suitor’s Book Shelf Dominated By Hustle Culture, World History, And Stephen King’s Later Work
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman visiting a date’s house has confirmed he’s quite the intellectual, after a quick peruse through his book shelf had her wondering if he’s ever picked up a book to read for fun before.
Spying numerous books on financial prosperity, including ‘Rich Dad, Poor Dad’, ‘The 4 Day Work Week’, ‘Think And Grow Rich’, and of course, ‘The...
Nationals Say Wokeness Is Out Of Control As Bundaberg Rum Is Removed From The Partyroom Breakfast Bar
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Nationals have had their 20L drum of Bundaberg Rum removed from the partyroom's breakfast bar this morning, leaving many of our country members decrying the relentless advances of wokeness inside Parliament House.
For generations, the Nationals have enjoyed having large plastic drum of Bundaberg Rum suspended upside from the ceiling just above their complimentary...
Girls On Their Way To Music Festival Forced To Take Walk Of Shame Past Gawking Onlookers
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA couple of Betoota Heights besties now know exactly how the brothel workers of the 19th century felt walking past the upper class, after having the unfortunate experience of having to make their way through a bustling French Quarter district wearing their rave gear.
For those unaware of the kinds of outfits you would find at rave, and in...
CBD Worker Stunned By Aussie Taxi Driver Not Listening To Right-Wing Talkback With Poor Reception
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTIn a surprising turn of events, CBD worker Christopher Jules (29) was left stunned after discovering that his Aussie taxi driver, Grant O'neil (66), was not tuned in to the latest right-wing A.M talkback radio program with poor reception during their morning commute.
"I couldn't believe it" Christopher exclaimed, still reeling from the shock of the experience.
"I mean, this...
Gen-Z Girl’s Smartphone Pinky Becoming Quite An Issue, Says Aunty With Durry Fingers
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT
In a case of things going generationally full circle, tensions are brewing between Gen Z and their elders over the increasingly prevalent phenomenon of "smartphone pinky," a condition caused by excessive smartphone use, according to a recent report.
"I tell ya, these youngsters and their fancy gadgets" exclaimed Margie Downes (74).
"Have you seen? my niece has deformed fingers just...
People Pleaser Perseveres With The 12 Different Event Group Chats She’s Too Polite To Leave
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTIn an amazing display of social stamina, local girl Bella Smeaton (29) has astounded friends and family by continuing to endure membership in a staggering twelve different event group chats, despite never contributing to any of them.
Bella, who's renowned for her respectable dedication to politeness and not trying to stir the pot, initially found herself added to the...
Early-20s It Girl Mixes It Up With White Tank Top, Slicked Hair, Baggy Jeans And Sneakers
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactPR specialist Abigail Brown has earned herself some words of praise from colleagues today, after rocking up to the office wearing a stunning new outfit.
Despite messaging in Slack to say she’d be a couple of minutes late due to a ‘traffic jam’, Abigail could be seen strutting in at roughly 9:15 this morning carrying a large skinny cappuccino...
Marketplace Buyer Wants To Know If You’ll Do Cheaper And Also Deliver Interstate
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA local Dad is kicking stones this evening as he begins to learn how much of a fuck around it is to wheel and deal on Facebook Marketplace.
After being given orders from his wife to clean out his two door garage so that a car actually fits inside, local Dad Ian Stephens made plans to sell...
