EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

A local bloke who’s had it up to his ears with all this Taylor Swift mania has made sure to let everyone know about it, by loudly complaining about the singer at any given opportunity.

Speaking to our reporter at one of French Quarter’s busiest cafes, The Rusty Trombone, James Haversfield, 36, says he’s haunted by the pop sensation everywhere he goes – stating that even his safe space, Fitness Planet, was playing some of her tunes this morning.

“It’s fucking bullshit, the world’s gone completely mad!”, he spat, throwing his hands up for added theatrics, “these Swifties are nuts.”

“All these bloody girls going around singing and being happy, making each other friendship bracelets.”

“It’s just disgusting to see.”

James adds that being excited and singing in public should be a spectacle reserved only for sports lovers, and not for pop fans.

“They wear matching outfits for Christ’s sake, how is that not a cult!?”

“I can’t wait for her to fuck off on her jet.”

Gently resting a hand on Jame’s forearm, our reporter asks what’s REALLY bothering James.

“What do you mean, REALLY?”, he scoffs, with an unmistakable glint of sadness in his eyes, “nothing is bothering me, just HER.”

“She’s just..haha.she’s just…”

“Well, I don’t know…um..”

“I think…I think maybe I would like a friendship bracelet?”

“But yeah I don’t know haha.”

More to come.


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