Breaking News

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the sun sets on the 26th day of the month of January, a local patriot has sought to keep the fire burning. With huge numbers once again taking to the streets to protest the fact we hold our national day of celebration on the anniversary of the date British ships arrived to commit genocide, Blake Lambton has...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT To say Scotty From Marketing is disappointed with Australians is an understatement, even though at this point it’s fair to say the feeling is definitely mutual. Unhappy that eastern Australians are not keen to go out and stimulate the economy whilst sampling the spiciest coughs the Greek alphabet has to offer, Scotty has made it clear to the...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT With the silly season well and truly coming to an end, many Aussies are trying their hardest to enjoy the back end of January by indulging in as much hedonistic behaviour as their body will allow them.  With resolution far enough in the rearview, there’s been a return to the good food, good company and good booze mantra of...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT Australia’s Queen of the Quiche Tin, Donna Hay, is set to launch a brand new cookbook in response to the nation’s unfolding supply chain crisis. The new book, Farm To Air Fryer, is designed to assist Australians as they continue to aimlessly wander the freezer section of their local supermarket wondering what to have for dinner. Off the...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A young NRL prodigy has dared to dream this afternoon, wistfully fantasising about what life must be like as an NFL footballer. Sitting onboard a Greyhound bus to pre-season camp in Coffs Harbour, popular outside back and U/19’s Kangaroo representative Kade Harley-Best, is believed to be deep in thought, considering which NFL club he’ll play for when...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A Betoota cafe is under investigation following an accusation of witchcraft due to the cafe being fully staffed.  Previously, French Quarter vegan art cafe Yolk Oh, OH NO were known for their plant-based hashbrown & chicken salt flatbreads but since not losing any members of staff to the pandemic or the great resignation the only thing they are believed...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A man whose defining personality trait is his job title has attempted to join a conversation, it’s reported. Steve Matthews, a ‘Big Four’ accountant, had been invited to a house party by his well-meaning missus but has reportedly had a hard time fitting in due to his thinly veiled superiority complex. Known for being a pretty big deal...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A Home and Away writer has today been fired after going against the norm and seriously breaching their contract. Clearly stipulated in bold, capital letters, writers were warned prior to joining the program that each season was to include at least ‘one-car crash’, a drug overdose and if possible, an explosion. The writer, who for legal purposes cannot...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT An audacious gang of West Betoota lads are about to be knocked down a peg or three, unaware they’re walking into a very public lashing for their poor social behaviour. Strutting into the Hoyts cinema multiplex at Betoota’s WestGate shopping centre, it’s believed the troop of edgy teens made a considerable racket, as they bought five tickets...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A Betoota Heights man has had a rough end to his Wednesday night, after being forced to train alone at his footy club. Rolling in after a decent-sized silly season, Brett Burns was reportedly ridiculed by his mates at the club after confirming he hadn't put on 30 kegs of raw mass over the last few months. The...