Local Dad Mercilessly Heckles Hungover Waiter During Family Breakfast
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Local Dad Ken Gillespie (59) is really enjoying giving it to the hungover waiter at a family breakfast this morning, it has been confirmed.
While celebrating his daughter's 23rd birthday at a prominent inner-city cafe, Mr Gillespie was quick to notice that the young bloke serving them had a sickly Tasmania pallor and still smelt a little bit like...
National Cabinet Unveil Plan To Stop Teachers Leaving Profession With An End Of Year Pizza Party
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT
With teachers nationwide throwing their hats into the ring or threatening to strike, National Cabinet has had to get a little creative with incentivising them to return to the classroom.
Speaking ahead of the meeting of Premiers and federal leaders, a spokesperson for the National Cabinet has unveiled a bold new plan to get teachers to work through...
Foreman Reckons Apprentice Knows A Thing Or Two About What’s It Like To Have A Meat Shortage Haha
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT
A local foreman has today announced that if anyone knows something about a meat shortage, it’s the new apprentice, Toby.
It’s alleged the topic of discussion popped up over a smoko break, when one of the tradies had mentioned his trouble finding meat at his local Woolies.
Citing that he’d gone to numerous grocery stores to find steak that wasn’t...
Twice Defrosted Pluto Pup Re-Enters Deep Freezer Thanks To Postponement Of Tamworth Country Music Festival
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A local food truck operator is believed to be rugging up this afternoon in preparation for some hours work in her commercial deep freezer.
Lifting several cardboard boxes marked ‘Country Music Fest’, it's understood local food truck owner Shonnae Webb is returning several hundred kilos of defrosted crumbed sausages back into an icy abyss.
With thick beads of...
WA Breathes Sigh Of Relief As Geraldton Truckie’s Loss Of Taste Attributed To Overdone Steak Pie
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Western Australia Health authorities have today dismissed the possibility of a positive Omicron case within the transport industry.
This comes as two new local cases have been recorded in the West, both related to the ongoing Cockburn cluster linked to the Omicron variant and involving massage parlours.
However, there were fears that the virus may have finally spread beyond the...
Nationals MPs Spotted Rolling Into The Gold Coast Meriton For Barnaby Joyce’s Bucks Party
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
Look out Gold Coast residents, there's a bunch of fellas who've just landed and are ready to paint the town red.
Reports from the nation's glitter strip have just emerged that the Deputy Prime Minister of Australia has just touched down in Coolangatta to enjoy his Bucks Party.
The newly engaged leader of the Nationals has just arrived...
Christensen Deported Back To Manila As Government Continues Crusade Against Anti-Vax Posterboys
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
It's been a rough afternoon for outgoing parliamentarian George Christensen, after the outspoken Nationals Senator was ordered to pack up his things and head to the airport.
The prominent anti-vaxxer has reportedly been escorted out of the country by Home Affairs, as the government continues its war on public health threats.
At the time of press, Christensen is...
With Two Days To Kill In Hobart, Australian Cricket Side Takes A Tour Of MONA’s Wall Of Vaginas
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT
The Australian cricket team has found themselves with the time on their hands after racing through the Hobart test match inside three days.
That came after another couple of classic English batting collapses, where the tourists failed to score more than 200 runs in either innings, cutting two days off the length of the game.
Unfortunately for fans hoping to...
Splendour Given $500m Government Grant After Rebranding To “God’s Splendour In The Holy Fields”
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
Australia’s Premier Music, Arts and Youth Culture festival ‘Splendour In The Grass’ has received a large financial boost this week, following a strategic rebrand which saw the festival finally align with the values of both State and Federal Governments.
In a public announcement broadcast simultaneously by Triple J, Double J and Jay Jays stores, the iconic Australian...
Expectant Couple Put Aside Some RATs For Child’s Future
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
One lucky fetus is off to a good start as their mum and dad wisely put aside some RATs for their little one's future.
Rapid Antigen Tests also known as RATs (or RAT Tests for people who don’t care for acronyms) provide users with an opportunity to test themselves for the spicy cough while getting a brief little glimpse...
